Angst

Dracofangxxx's picture

So, basically. The ex.

I don't wanna get too wordy and emotional, so I'll bulletpoint.

-is doing exactly what he did last year
-is the angstmaster flex
-angstmeister
-angstopia
-so he dumps me again
-I am happy
-he is angsty
-can't even sit at the same lunch table as me with his best friends there
-like
-can't you just ignore me
-no?
-woops emotions
-guess I was right
-you know
-again

So honestly, I'm not THAT upset about the breakup, 'cause I know what's going on... same as last year.
Kid's got so many damn emotions, he really needs to sort them out.

I think the worst part is like, I really, truly sympathise; I want to help him, 'cause the kid's fukken clueless at what emotions he's feeling, why he's feeling them, and especially what to do about them...

Like I don't know. By his behaviour... I know he's got the feels for me still. That's easy as shit to see. And I don't wanna give up on the kid, 'cause I sure as hell treated him like shit before. I didn't dump him, sure- I just treated him like mega shit... when he was the best thing ever to me, for a long, long time... And I feel responsible, 'cause I know most of his emotion shit is all my fault 'cause of that.

Most of my pain from our breakup is feeling like I'm letting a perfect, great chance go away, when I see what's happening with him, and I know it's possible to be fixed, but that I'm losing that chance every day.

But I don't know. I don't give up on people I love deeply, and that's probably one of my worst flaws. Not knowing when to let go.

I just want to feel good enough for someone out there. Even for myself. And the father life goes on, the more I try, and the more I realize it's a pointless chase.

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

Well, you can try to help if

Well, you can try to help if you want, but ultimately he has to help himself. I just don't want you getting involved to the point where he starts to drag you down with him. So lend a hand if you must, just make sure it doesn't affect your happiness. Once trying to help him starts making you miserable, that's a good indicator to let go.

It may seem selfish, but you really should worry about you mostly.

Dracofangxxx's picture

It's just butts :P

And I dunno. I always tend to not worry about myself because I've tried to achieve this vague mentality that I can do anything, survive anything. I'm not gonna be weak or wimpy.

It's probably very off-mark for me since I am so blarg, but I try. I really just try. Like I want things to go right, to be happy, to stop being so frustrating, and I try so hard to fix it or to be good enough for it to get fixed, but I fall flat every time.
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That's redick!