awake

Quietwarrior's picture

I feel better this morning. Well not fully, but just there. i watched little miss sunshine last night and it was the perfect film to help cope with my lonely mood.

Man, my mood swings are getting higher and higher......

Comments

elph's picture

Don't you have a meeting spot...

...a community pool, park, youth club, art museum... where you could go and retain the good mood that a movie and a good night's sleep facilitated?

Find someone... maybe someone you don't know, but just might like to... and do something together. A certain amount of boldness can work wonders, if done tastefully...

Also... read my comment to your earlier journal...

Quietwarrior's picture

I am rambling but....

It's a bit of a odd mess. What happens mainly in the week is that i have days in which i have loads to do, spend times with friends and everything is just super happy and i get to do stuff and really enjoy myself. And then i have another few days in which everybody is away ( literally ) i have nothing to do, i find everything boring and i get depressed, want to cry but cant, want to sleep but can never ever do in the day and just sulk in my bedroom.

It's not like i don't go out by myself as well. I go shopping frequently by myself, i go to Starbucks and read my magazines and sometimes see films by myself. The problem is that i am just sick of me being the one having to invite somebody to an event or outing. Its hardly the reverse too.
I sound whiny, but seriously i have been looking back over the past year and it has become such a horrible pattern, the ratio or me asking people, to me getting asked to come places by others. Its just like i am always hanging on to other people and if i did not make the effort to send this invites to places, i would become the biggest reclusive!

I even made a whole bunch of new friends on monday and have invited a few to things tomorrow but again, its the maybe option or they dont even get back to me. Its frustrating and i've had enough, its just i dont have good enough friends to truly support me. They may fully exhibit to all the cultural aesthetics that i cherish - clothing, film,food etc, but they dont listen to my problems and i feel so vapid to them.

elph's picture

So... 24 hours+ later...

How did the weekend go?

You sound like someone whom any intelligent gay teen would be ecstatic if he were considered to be your friend!

Don't give up!

Uncertain's picture

I kind of know what you mean

I kind of know what you mean by you feel like the one always "inviting" people, and you sometimes feel left out when other people hang out. But then I realise now that's all quite inconsequential now and don't really reflect on you as a person, but friendships in schools are quite "superficial" anyway. Obviously, some exceptions to the rule, but when you find those type of friends you'll know, and then those are friendships that matter and worth being hung up about.