It's not a very fun time to be me right now. I'm going into my senior year of high school, and I don't know what I want to do in college because I have no marketable skills or talents. This can affect what kinds of colleges I should apply to. Like, what if I find some awesome school that is totally amazing but doesn't have whatever I decided to do? That would suck.
People keep pestering me about it. Where do you want to go to college, Super Duck? Umm, somewhere far away from this shithole. Yes, I am aware that that costs money. Luckily, despite the whole organic chemistry blunder, I still have the grades for scholarships at many places. What do you want to do, Super Duck? Umm, well, personally I would like to eat some Oreos right now and watch some South Park, but it's 4 a.m., so nope. Oh, you mean, like, in college? Umm... Is sleeping a major? What about fangirling over hot actresses?
I have had this discussion with friends dozens of times, and every time I end up hating them for the rest of the day because they'll look at me pityingly and say something like, "Well, maybe you'll marry rich." Umm, I think finding a hot, single, rich lesbian (or even a bi chick, for that matter) would be astronomically harder than going to college and getting a degree. Yes, it may even be harder than getting one in... gasp... ORGANIC CHEMISTRY! Okay, well, maybe not organic chemistry, but it would totally be harder than anything I'd attempt.
I never wanted to be the girl who studies something she hates just so she can get rich and then hates her job for the rest of her life, but I also really need to be able to afford the kind of lifestyle I want. I used to be adamant about majoring in something that was fun and cool and not boring, but honestly, now I wouldn't mind having a job I was just kind of neutral about if it meant being able to live where I want (this is undoubtedly THE most important thing for me because my whole life I've hated where I've had to live with an intense, fiery passion) and have some luxuries. I mean, just because I would do something kinda bland from 9 to 5 every day wouldn't mean I could never have hobbies and stuff. Who knows, maybe in my free time I'd write a bestseller and be set for life and never have to do the aforementioned bland job again!
Luckily, I'm not the only person in this boat. One of my best friends can't decide between music, which is his passion, and becoming a surgeon, which he didn't explain at all or maybe he did, but my phone just has shit reception because I don't understand a third of what he says over the phone. Lucky for him, he's only going to be a junior, though, so he doesn't have to be freaking out and having anxiety attacks over it... yet.
Now, I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. I think I could learn pretty much anything if I really set my mind to it. The key phrase here is "pretty much" because, as we all know, organic chemistry and, for some reason, geometry are way, way, way out of the question for this chick. Trying to teach me to do either of those subjects is like trying to teach a blind puppy how to bake a cake while juggling flaming bowling pins. But I haven't ever encountered anything outside of those two specific subjects that I couldn't at least manage.
I'll probably just go into a business field or something. I don't know. That was my dad's original plan before he was made to drop out of college. He was going into accounting, and he had a 4.0. My dad isn't a genius. He was an average student in high school, and this was at a regular public university. My grandpa didn't even go to college, and he started his own business. Speaking of that, I should probably start working there again soon since I need money, but I really don't want to be a cashier again. Ugh... Oh, and you know who does all the bookkeeping and stuff? My grandma. Yes, that's right, the crazy one.
The only thing that scares me is the math factor in most business-related fields. I'm not an idiot. However, math is undoubtedly one of my weaker subjects. But... Am I necessarily bad at it, or am I just intimidated by it? I think my main problem with it is that I don't test well in it, which discourages me, even when I get all my homework problems right and feel that I have understood the material. This is assuming by "math" one means "forms of math that are not geometry," because, um, yeah, I really am that bad at geometry. I still honestly have no clue why. Usually, I have Bs in math, which really isn't necessarily that bad. Geometry was my only C. I even have had As in algebra before.
I'm also completely terrified of the whole college admissions process. It's looking like I'm gonna stay in town for another year, and according to all my friends, the school is totally inept at sending transcripts. One of my friends had to tell them to do it THREE different times before they finally sent her info. I also have no idea what the fuck I should write my essay about. I'm 17, maybe 18 by the time I do some of this. I have no cool life experiences to write about yet. Oh, I'm gay in the Bible Belt, but I'm sure every college up north gets tons of essays from sad gay kids in the rural south, so that angle is totally out, no pun intended. Hmm... I've had mild OCD from the age of 7, but I don't really have a story to tell about that. Other than that? Nope, no cool or unique experiences at all. I don't have anything that sets me apart from everyone else. I am truly a generic 17-year-old girl.
I shouldn't feel so intimidated. Do you know what makes me feel better, even though it's really mean? FCG is, in fact, an idiot, and she is majoring in biology to become... wait for it... some kind of DOCTOR. (I'm sorry, but that thought is absolutely terrifying. She is adorable and huggable and FCG-ish, and if you met her, I just know you all would love her to death, but holy shit is this girl dumb.) I was only really half listening, so I can't remember what kind except that it was something weird, but that isn't important. If she's, well, FCG, and she just passed her first year of college, I shouldn't be worried.
You know, speaking of her, I had this dream in which I was supposed to be at the pool where FCG works, but instead I was in this weird white stone hall that led to an indoor pool area where she was supposed to be. Anyway, so, I saw her, and she seemed fairly happy to see me. She told me to give her a call sometime and then went back to working. So, then, in my dream, I went home, and I called her, and then she tried to convert me to some religion that was basically fundamentalist Christianity with the added threat of demonic zombies or something. Umm... Yeah. Also, I'm fairly sure the zombies were chickens. Literal chickens. She made me look up some graph on the internet that depicted a chicken-like zombie eating a dude's head. I hung up on that bitch.
I don't know why she shows up in my dreams so often. It's been over a whole year since the last time I even saw her. She's always one of the main characters, no matter how irrelevant she as a person would seem to the... plot? Happenings? I don't know, do dreams have plots? Like in this one, I know she is weird, but I don't think she believes demonic chicken zombies are a true threat to humanity. I don't understand why she always has to be the main character when it doesn't even make any sense.
Oh my god... Wait, oh my god, what if I wrote the aforementioned hypothetical bestseller ABOUT FCG!? Tell me, would you read a book about an adorable stupid girl who aspires to become a doctor for something odd despite her stupidity and then ends up breaking the narrator's heart or something equally sad and pathetic?