Grumble grumble grumble. Grumble? Grumble.

radiosilence95's picture

There aren't any lesbians on Oasis. It's just me and Super Duck, and this makes me very sad. Just a bunch of gay dudes and a couple bi people. All of the lesbians left, I think. I feel like lesbians are a minority within a minority, which is so unfair. Like, gay guys are portrayed in the media a lot more than lesbians are. I dunno.

I'm writing this journal out of sheer, unrelenting boredom. I have nothing of value to say here, other than I am dying of boredom. I might be getting a different job so that will keep me busy. Um...I've considered going back and revising my old poems, which is practically a sin for poets, but no new material will come to me. When I read over the poems I wrote this year I see some flaws in my writing, some bland or rushed lines I wrote to fill in the space, and it disappoints me.

I've been seething about this whole boyfriend thing ever since Brittany told me about how much her boyfriend sucks. I try not to think about it, but with nothing to occupy my time, I keep going back to it and then I get royally pissed off. It's just not fair. It's really, really not fair. I'd be a wonderful girlfriend. I'd listen to her no matter what she has to say, I'd make her feel special, I'd be there for her. She could call me at three in the morning to talk about why the sky is blue and I'd be MORE than willing to listen, for crying out loud.

Why? Why the fuck...I can't even wrap my mind around it. Even a girl as intelligent as Brittany makes the mistake that millions of dumb-ass girls make--she stays with a guy who treats her like shit and just puts up with it. Are those few good moments he has worth all of the bad? I must be missing something here.

It makes me wanna throw myself at her, shake some sense into her, tell her that she's wasting her time, that I would be the better choice. I should've given more assertive advice when she talked to me about this, convinced her to dump his sorry ass. But instead I am here on the sidelines, stuck in the role of a supportive close friend, forcing myself to be content with what I have with her when I know there's a chance for more. But I'm too cowardly to throw it all out there. I can't risk it. Regardless of how sure I am she knows, I can't bring myself to tell her in case my suspicions were wrong. I'd look like an idiot. What would I gain? What would change by telling her?

Is the risk as big as I'm thinking it is, or am I just freaking out over nothing? Brittany doesn't strike me as the type of girl to drop our friendship because I like her, so why can't I tell her? This wasn't nearly as big of an issue until I learned about her boyfriend. I'm not sure why it's changed the situation, but it has. I want her now more than ever before. I want her to dump him. Why do assholes get awesome girls when genuinely nice people like me get nothing except a front-row seat to the disaster that is their relationship? It's. Not. Fair.

This situation sounds far too familiar. Hm.

Comments

Bosemaster42's picture

Ask Her.

Her boyfriend may be an asshole, but he took a chance to be with her and it obviously worked. If you know she won't freak out, why not ask her? If she's not happy with him, she might consider it. I thought there were several lesbians on Oasis, but then again, i'm still kinda new here.

radiosilence95's picture

I don't have much of an

I don't have much of an excuse not to tell her, other than there's that 2% chance I lose her as a friend because I tell her. A concern of mine is timing. When's the right time to tell her? Do I do it in person? Through text? I don't know.

jeff's picture

Uhh...

There's no right time. In person.

Also, if you lose someone as a friend for this, is it really a friend you want to keep? I know the gay male world is littered with friendships that started as tricks, former boyfriends, and unreciprocated sexual interest.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

Well, we'd have to be alone

Well, we'd have to be alone and we never really are. But I could make that happen.

I could understand her being a bit uncomfortable maybe, but I don't see a reason why we couldn't remain friends if she's not interested. It certainly wouldn't be awkward to maintain a friendship for me, anyway; I'd be completely content with remaining close friends. Good point.

Super Duck's picture

There used to be a lot of

There used to be a lot of lesbians here when I first started posting, but yeah, now that I think about it, it's pretty much just us.

I totally get how you feel about the whole awesome-girl-with-douchey-boyfriend situation. In 8th grade, I was friends with this girl who I ended up really liking. She had a horrible boyfriend who even forgot her birthday.

radiosilence95's picture

Kinda sucks, being the only

Kinda sucks, being the only two lesbians here, huh?

Ugh. This is like the third time I've had a crush on a girl who's dating a jerk off. I'm not sure whether it's my awful luck or if seriously every single awesome girl on the planet is with an ass wipe. Based on what I've seen and experienced, I'm leaning towards the second option.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

If this is the third time, might be worth wondering why you seem to go after broken, unavailable women who need saving?

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

Brittany never struck me as

Brittany never struck me as a broken girl who needed saving. She still doesn't really, she just happens to be dating an asshole. But the other two definitely fell under that category. Brittany really does have her head on straight, she's emotionally stable and oozes confidence, and she defies the typical traits of a girl who dates an asshole. So I don't get it.

Meow's picture

To be fair, I lot of the

To be fair, I lot of the people here don't really know yet.

She is with him because she loves him.
Somehow, when one likes someone, one seems to ignore the practical stuff about the person. Like, she/he may not be great, may not be very attentive or whatever. But your feelings towards them makes you somewhat blind to that, and you sort of stay in the hope that they will start being a better boyfriend/girlfriend.
Also, this is not to offend you or anyone in any way, nor do I seek to imply that you are a lovestruck zombie :P but I found this pretty funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSG97zCOlyo

radiosilence95's picture

Yes, I know. Love is

Yes, I know. Love is impractical and blind and all that jazz, but Brittany is a very practical and mature person. She knows that she's in a disastrous and one-sided relationship, and she probably knows that she needs to get out of it if things don't improve. So, the next time she vents to me about her loser boyfriend, I'm going to step up and tell her what's really on my mind, not being too abrasive, of course.

Also, I enjoyed that video. It was pretty funny and he had some good advice. Thank you.

Meow's picture

:)

:)

Tycoondashkid's picture

i think i now why

i have learned because i have studied the wild pairings of the animals Homo Sweetus femalus and Homo Douchebagus Malus or the Sweet Girls just told me either way

Girls go for Douchebags apparently "to change them" to make them like the Sweet and Nice boys because the girls don't want a already sweet boy because hes nice and sweet to everyone, WORST LOGIC EVER

radiosilence95's picture

Yes, I came to that same

Yes, I came to that same conclusion. Brittany is convinced that with enough patience and understanding, she can make this kid a happier and better person. WRONG. He won't change because he's not willing to change and people usually need to change by themselves anyway.

How annoying. This whole situation and all of its little layers are just so very annoying.

Tycoondashkid's picture

the logic is faulty in so many levels

you can't change someones whole personality anyway, unless they have a near-death experience they won't change quickly and even if they do have a near death experience they may not change at all either.

bleh -_- stupidity level 99
logic level 0

radiosilence95's picture

It just kills me because

It just kills me because Brittany's totally not that type of girl! Ugh. She shouldn't be in that category of stupid girls who run after jerky men. And they've been dating for a year. A year! That's like a decade in the world of teenaged dating! Blargharghurg.

Obviously there is some redeeming factor he has that keeps her with him. It can't be sex, because she told me that she has zero interest in sex with guys. I wonder what that could mean? ;D

SometimesY's picture

I'm a lesbian!

I don't post as often as I should, though..

But I actually think it was good that you didn't convince her to dump him. If you did, and she did, then she might regret it because it was a heat of the moment thing and she could possibly feel like it wasn't really her decision, you know? Chances are they won't last when she goes off to college (which isn't that far away!), so as long as you keep in touch, you may still have a shot.

radiosilence95's picture

Oh yeah! Hey! Sorry I

Oh yeah! Hey! Sorry I completely forgot about you :P

Yes, I seriously doubt that they will last once she goes to college. Hell, they might not even make it through the rest of the summer, judging by the way she's feeling. My biggest fear is that once she starts college it will be the end of our friendship as well. What if she doesn't have time for me? What if she makes a bunch of new college friends and forgets about my existence? I'll definitely try to stay in touch with her but it's all very...up in the air.

jeff's picture

Yeah...

Oasis used to be crawling with lesbians, and the boys complained. Goes back and forth. This time of year is usually the slowest on here anyway, across the board.

There's one major difference with her relationship with the asshole boyfriend. They are actually in a relationship. Your romantic relationship with Brittany is a projection you've invented, which does give you the upper hand in making it perfect.

That said, a person can only pick a better choice, if there IS a choice, let alone a better one. She may only see that she has one choice. You've not indicated there is another, which makes it hard to fault her for not choosing what hasn't been made available.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

So basically, you're

So basically, you're suggesting that I let her know there are other options to explore? So really that ultimately means telling her I'm interested, yes?

jeff's picture

Of course...

It is always better to regret action than inaction.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

TAK757's picture

Im a lesbian too!!! If i

Im a lesbian too!!!

If i were you i would tell Brittany that you have feelings for her in person. That way she pretty much has to respond to you. Unlike in a text she could read it and not respond. Also, Jeff's idea is really smart, you should try that out!! :D Just say next time she is telling you about her awful boyfriend that there are other options out there for her and that they would treat her way better.

radiosilence95's picture

Oh yeah! Yay, Super Duck and

Oh yeah! Yay, Super Duck and I really aren't that alone!

Yeah, I should take the chance and tell her. What's stopping me, really? Except for my own irrational fear. That won't go away. And tortures me all the time. Not really sure where the fear comes from, really. If I'm confident that we could still be friends...maybe it's just a fear of rejection. A fear that if I tell her she'll shoot me down, I guess. But we could still be awesome friends, so why should that matter? I could get over it.