Have you ever gone to bed hoping you never wake up?

DarkestValley's picture

I hate to whinge and complain, but I am so stupid. I fell for the wrong guy, I let myself be with the wrong guy, and am still letting myself be with the wrong guy.

Hes lied to me once.
He takes drugs.
He steals.
He sells drugs.
Hes not going far in life.
He doesnt have a job.
Constantly tells me I dont influence him in anyway shape or form to give up drugs or anything else for that matter.
He's sexually immoral. Yesterday he told me, he had a dream he was about to fuck his mates sister but as she bent over he woke up shattered.

Why am I still in love with this person?
But lets look at his positives...
Despite all the bad he is, he is the most loving gentle man I ever come to be. I cant help but love him. He's beautifull. He got me a bunch of roses the other day for no reason at all. He knows im upset without me saying a single world. He cuddles me when im upset, he gets me water when i feel sick.
He's amazing. Yet so not.

If i cant accept his more deamining qualities doesnt that mean I just dont deserve him?


elph's picture


It seems that you've answered your own question... in the first paragraph!

If you "know" that he's wrong for you (and your intellect seems to have confirmed this)... I'd suggest to move on!

radiosilence95's picture


To be totally blunt, the bad seems to far outweigh the good. It takes a lot more than just cuddles and roses to make a relationship work, and it seems to me that you'd only be hurting yourself by choosing to stay with him. If I were in your position, I would dump him and find somebody who, y'know, isn't a lying drug dealer.

jeff's picture


He only lied to you once? So, he really had farted, after all?

I'd guess if he lied about something major, you'd still be tracking it like this. But if he lied about something minor, you wouldn't be. However, if he lied about something major, then there's probably a lot of other lies you don't know about, no?

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Uncertain's picture

My thoughts

There are two situations, either (a) he is being perfectly honest with you and you're in "that" kind of relationship where it's quite "open" and you almost tell each other anything. It's still a relationship, sometimes a great one too, it's just kind of a no-bullshit kind of relationship. I've been with a guy before where we were monogomous and we would go about doing our own thing, and we would be honest about our feelings with each other - like if we didn't mean that much to each other we wouldn't pretend like we were - do you know what I'm trying to say? Him not giving up drugs or telling you about his dream is not necessarily an indication of him being unfaithful - after all those things aren't mutually exclusive with him being with you. What it does mean is that he definitely likes you, and sometimes he enjoys your company, but you just have to accept he doesn't always need you. This is a very, very subtle difference with him being an asshole.

Or (b), he is an asshole, is insecure, and wants you to feel bad to make himself feel better. The difference between this kind of people and the former which I just described is that the "second" paragraph of the "nice" things he does to you are no longer for you, but ultimately for his own ego; whereas the first kind is perfectly genuine it just means his expectations are a bit different from yours.

I hope this clears things a little in your head. But only you have subjective insight to figure what kind of person he really is, if he's worth it, and ultimately what to do from there.