Him

Just Dave's picture

It's not often that I need this site. I'm in a pretty damn good place. But if I don't get this off my chest, I'm going to implode. I need to ramble like a fourteen year old girl. This isn't going to come out coherently.

I almost went insane after dark. Trying not to make a sound, wired awake because our shoulders or ankles would occasionally graze eachother. I don't really know what I wanted to happen. I just wanted to get closer. It's impossible to sleep that close to him. I know that's what kept me up; I just have no idea why he was still awake.

And then there are the million little things I can't explain about him. Why is he lying about his age? If he's gay, why does he make the jokes about naked chicks? Why does he almost never make eye contact? I can't fucking tell if I'm making him nervous, or if he's nervous because he wants to bolt.

I'm turning into a little puddle of insecurity because of a him. I don't know if I'm crazy and imagining things, or if we both just lack the balls to make the first move. And now it's three in the morning, and I'm writing journal entries about him, because I can't sleep because I'm still thinking about him.

I haven't told any of my friends or family about him. If it turns out that I'm crazy, I could probably take the rejection. I don't know if I could handle the embarrassment if anyone witnessed it. I don't remember liking anyone this much, or having this much hope. It scares the crap out of me.

He's going to be the death of me.

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

Well, first of all, welcome

Well, first of all, welcome back. I love seeing members return after a long break, even though most of them just disappear again quickly anyway.

Seems like everyone on Oasis lately has had an insanely strong crush on someone and is struggling with telling that person. I'm going through that. All I can say is that you should tell him. Tell him when you two are alone. Because if you don't speak up, you could've missed a chance. I personally would rather be depressed because of rejection than be depressed because I never found out what could've happened.

elph's picture

What can I say... other than...

I've been there (it seems like it was in another lifetime; actually, it was!)...

Treat him kindly and with respect. All should be desired and with mutual consent...

I know how frustratingly difficult it is to "read" the emotions of others...

But... persevere!

****

btw... You've been sorely missed! I'm guessing that you're getting ready to enter your junior year at university this fall?

jeff's picture

Well...

What's the back story here? Does he know you're gay at least? That seems to be the case.

If so, easy enough to "joke" about stuff in bed... "Too bad you're not gay, or this could be a much different night, hehehe."

Make it clear that if he's willing, and debating coming out, etc., he has a green light. You're interested.

Oh, and welcome back, but glad you don't need us, too! ;-)

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)