I'm in my 20s but teen angst.

centerfielder08's picture

I kknow I always say this after being gone for a lengthy period of time, but I want to say it anyway....I'm sorry.

I want to get back to writing, legit, on here every day if possible. Why's that always fall through the cracks? :(

I hope to get back to writing things not so dismal.

But first, I need to get something off my chest.
WARNING: mental health, depression, bpd, etc....

I'm so depressed. As always, I know.
But I want to just sleep. And I don't feel like eating because I'm not hungry and I have no energy.

And after a text I got today, I've learned one thing: FOREVER IS A BIG FUCKING LIE. Thank you for ruining my day, to the person who texted all tht shit to me and then said she doesnt want to upset me....ohrighttt because when you basically say you wasted your time with someone that's such a nice compliment. yeah fuckiing right.

i want to hate your guts. im so mad at you.
why the fuck cant i get anything right?
i dont want to think youre attractive.

and fuck. i just want to block you out of my life. you've broken any pride i had in our friendship. its not that you let me down by not talking to me. this was a direct hit at me and i dont know how you oculd make it worse. it feels like someone twisting a knife in my stomach.

Comments

jeff's picture

Umm...

This doesn't seem to be angst, which is more of a general sense of things being or feeling wrong, etc., this sounds like someone actually DID something wrong to you? So, kind of less to feel sorry about when you're reacting to something that happened... without context who this person is, etc., hard to say more...

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

centerfielder08's picture

We were friends/are

We were friends/are friends...I don't know which. Once upon a time, a few years ago, I had a crush on her. Not anymore.

She sent me a text that was really rude and like a slap in the face.

It huurt because she was making it sound so different than it was. She made me seem unstable (which I'm not). And anyway, if she really thought I was unstable (again, which I'm not), why would she write such a hurtful text?
I would post it here...is that a bad idea, though?

the mouse that roared's picture

Hey friend, I remember you!

Hey friend, I remember you! I just randomly dropped by here for the first time in a while and saw your post. A lot of my friends have said tons of ridiculous shit to me in the past few months, none of which was deserved, most of which sprung from their own insecurities and understanding. It hurt and made me angry. When they couldn't get past it, the friendship ended--either I ditched them or vice versa. If people aren't there for you, understanding and loving who you are, then they aren't your friends. Period. Get some new ones. Being alone is not a ton of fun, but it's better than being exposed to poison.

That's where I'm at right now. I dunno what your friend said to you or the context, but if it's something irreparable--ditch that shitty-ass friend.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. --Anais Nin