To Fathers Day

swimmerguy's picture

I love my dad.
But it doesn't always show.

It can't, really. He's gone a lot, working. He works every weekday pretty well from 7 to 7, and he spends a lot of the time he has at home, after his shower, either up in the office, doing I dunno what, it very well might be work related, or maybe porn related, or any other kind.

The weekends are better. He still works sometimes on the weekends, and then sometimes he's off on a bike ride, but most of the weekends he's at least here for 1 whole day.
Sometimes that doesn't matter, he spends time in the office too or I'm off somewhere.

The worst times are when he's gone on a business trip, and no one's told me, so I like ask my mom where's dad? and she'll be like Oh, he's been gone for a week in Washington DC, didn't you know that?.
It's slightly horrifying, I just don't notice.

But we still have vacations and some weekend days together, and that's pretty good. Like today, we went on a hike, the waterfall we saw was fucking furious, like that was a fucking lot of water, and a very impressive cliff it was going off.

But basically, I don't spend a whole lot of time with my dad, and I know I should. As well, a lot like my mom, the times I routinely have the biggest emotional connection with him is when he's yelling at me. My parents are both very good at yelling.

Not to say, of course, that a big part of this isn't my fault. I spend way too fucking much time on the computer, I kinda with I didn't have one. I spend so much of my day just reading random Wikipedia pages, maybe I should go on Jeopardy some time, with all the trivia I'll know.
And Youtube, too. Damn it.
And Civilization, fucking hell. I should just stop playing that game.

Anyway, I spend so much time cooped up in my room, he can hardly take all the blame.

And why I don't have a great emotional connection with him either, that's a lot of my fault too. I'm very aloof towards both of my parents, less so to my mom, but both still, and about that, I don't even know why.
I get along great with my brother, so it's probably just the kind of gulf that separates me from any people more than 3X my age...
My brother being gone, too. That probably has something to do with it, I'm a lot more open towards him. It helps me be more open around them too.

That's part of the reason why, now, basically, I'm like not very much caring about whoever knows I'm gay, whether they accept it or not, if they don't, fuck them, they're just a douchebag.
But with my parents, my dad knows, but that was an accident, and I'd kinda prefer he didn't. Even if they both accept it, and I think my mom will and my dad has, just them knowing that much about me just wears on me in the wrong way, and I don't know why.

But forgetting all that, my dad is a great guy; he definitely works a little too much, and neither of us have put much more than a token effort into a relationship, but he is a great guy. He tends to be reasonable, cheerful, he can really funny at times.
For all of his faults, somehow he's managed to still pull off being a great dad, and I was glad to have this day to spend with him.

Comments

jeff's picture

So...

Sounds like some of this stuff could be easy fixes on your part, put some effort in, no?

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

Hmm... (borrowed; OK?)

Sounds easy... deceptively so!

I won't hazard suggesting the percentage of today's teens (wishing to sidestep a prolonged debate on its accuracy) who would be quite happy to find themselves growing up under domestic circumstances similar to those swimmerguy describes.

His home life sounds super-typical… almost idyllic… but said with full acknowledgement that there always remains room for improvement before it could evolve into anything approaching that of the late 1950s "Leave it to Beaver!" :)

If a change were to occur (avoiding the issue of whether it is either necessary or desirable)… it would come about only through cooperative effort… not by one (swimmerguy, in this instance) acting in isolation!

God… what I'd have given...!

jeff's picture

Well...

There is a difference between acting in isolation and being the first to initiate something that could loosen both sides up.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

Yeah... Quite True...

Did you think I was suggesting otherwise?

There always must be an initial spark to initiate change.

My point was not to concentrate on how a teen could be instrumental in initiating changes that he/she might desire... but to underscore what a great (not perfect!) domestic situation already exists... one which I'd suspect ranks in the higher percentile of all households comprising maturing adolescents!

Many gay teens would be ecstatic to be so fortunate!

Yes... there are areas that show room for improvement (e.g., appreciation and acceptance by both parents that one of their sons is gay)... but... I suspect/hope that that day may not be far off!