a poem i wrote in the beginning of the year . (Copy/Past)

NickBoy's picture

I hate ..
My mom
my life
my style
my appearance
my family
gods ppl
God
Satan
the world
my ability
my strength
my house
Kids at school
:)

Why ?
Because no one cares about me . Everyone who seemed to just floated away . I am not an attractive person and that really gets in the way of how I interact with others . My mother is a total snob and is two faced and I can do nothing about it because God likes to test ppl to see them fail , then say "On to the next." Everyone seems to have a love life with sum one who embraces them and amires them but notwith me . I am too skinny , too ugly , too dark , too lame . I havent had a new pair of shoes since 6 months ago . I cant find a job to support me for what i need and desire to increase my confidence level . So ill be going to highschool this year with the same thing ive had on since last year . I didnt ask God to put me on this earth . It is such a heavy burden to be placed somewhere u werent asked to and have to kiss someones ass just to be happy eternally . All my so called friends only talk to me when no ones around and treat me like some dirt bag when otherd are around . Family never calls . I could be dead in this basement and the only reason someone would find out is from coming down here to perster and nag at me . Selling my soul to the devil didnt work out ,and as soon as you forget to pray a few times , God is no where around anymore until u offer to kiss his invisible ass . I literally will be down here in this basement and loitering around this house the whole summer because theres no place 4 me in this world . "ugh , your annoying , Id never hang around sumone like you , Fagget , I dnt even like being in the same room as you , Whod win in a fight , Nick or Michael , Micheal !!!!!!!!!!!" Now im going to have to go to sum school i knw nothing abt . Julian , Where ppl would still bother me , underestimate me , and test me , in the works of jesus christ "our lord and savior."

I Wish ..
I could have the wardrobe many have , the friends who actually cared , a nonseasonal family , a nice support group . ppl who acually admired me . That I was attractive . Results in what I need and want .

Comments

Dracofangxxx's picture

Hmm...

People might like you more if you didn't focus on being hateful. If honestly *nobody* likes you, you really have to sit down and think "WHY don't people like me?". Sometimes you're not putting out a good enough positive attitude to make people talk to you. You're not *entitled* by birth to have friends or love. You have to make yourself desirable for it. Life owes you nothing. You earn it. Especially happiness.

I remember good ol' Jeff gave me some advice like that when I first joined here. It pissed me off at first, but the more I applied it, the happier I became.

If you don't like your situation- change it! If you can't change it, change your attitude. You'd be suprised.
-
That's redick!

jeff's picture

Hmm...

That Jeff can be a bitch.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Dracofangxxx's picture

But I love Jeff ;)

Honestly, if you weren't blunt with me, I'd still be mopey and unhappy and stupid. So really, thanks. Ehehehe.
-
That's redick!

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Left out

Are you implying that my cruel treatment didn't help? I'm hurt. Wounded, even.

* * *
You'll see him in your head, on the TV screen
And hey buddy, I'm warning you to turn it off
He's a ghost, he's a god, he's a man, he's a guru
You're one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan
Designed and directed by his red right hand

radiosilence95's picture

Yes, yes.

I've skimmed the many journals you've posted in the past couple days, and I agree with Shelby. Your outlook is so very, very negative. I was once like that as well; I think we all have those phases in our lives when we're all angst-ridden and pessimistic. I can't tell you how specifically you should go about changing your attitude, I just know it needs a major change before you can even begin to make friends and break out of your shell.

Because, quite frankly, nobody wants to be friends with someone so negative and spiteful. So the problem begins with you, not with everybody around you.

Bosemaster42's picture

I have to admit,

your 'poem' is a list of things you claim to hate. Your life, style, appearance, looks, and strength are all things you can change if you work diligently to change them. The rest of your list are things you don't really have any control over, with the exception of the kids in your school.
I'm willing to bet you could change how your perceived by dealing with people more positively and being genuinely friendly. It's tough when your young, gay, and horny when you have no outlet. However, I wouldn't recommend trying to force yourself on others you may fancy.
In a way, you have created your own discontent within your family.
At least you've got "coming out' out of the way. It's a start, you have to play the cards that have been dealt to you.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Not a poem by any stretch of the imagination

And I've written some baaaaaad poems.

Also, I don't buy souls, I collect them. No payments, no refunds. Sorry.

* * *
You'll see him in your head, on the TV screen
And hey buddy, I'm warning you to turn it off
He's a ghost, he's a god, he's a man, he's a guru
You're one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan
Designed and directed by his red right hand

elph's picture

On buying souls...

You must read Nikolai Gogol's Dead Souls (Мёртвые души).