Free Write #2

radiosilence95's picture

There are lots of things that I don't even pretend to understand. One of those is gender, or at least, all of the principles and ideas that surround gender. There is a theory that gender is simply a convenient set of guidelines created by society based on your sex. A father tells his little son to stop crying because only girls cry. A mother tells her daughter to come inside and clean off the grime of the day because only boys play in the mud.

The one thing I do comprehend is the difference between sex and gender. Sex refers to the physical and biological characteristics, whereas gender refers to behavior and personality traits. What confuses me is the emphasis that people place on gender. By that I mean that there are people who focus way too much of their time defining who they are in terms of their gender. I've asked questions; it's not like I've stubbornly rooted myself in ignorance on this subject. But the answers I've gotten make it seem like nobody knows what they're talking about when it comes to the topic.

Why complicate it? Supposedly gender is a broad, nearly infinite spectrum. Why? If you were born a dude but you feel with all your heart that you're a girl, be a girl. Wear dresses and makeup and be feminine. Who cares? Maybe you sometimes feel like a girl but other times feel like a guy. Switch it up every week. I dunno. It's no big deal, really. I've stumbled across what is practically an entire language about gender. Somebody could write a gender dictionary because there are fifty terms applied to the different ways that people identify themselves based on gender. Intersex, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. I don't know what any of these even mean, except for intersex. And whenever I've asked members of the trans community, I never get any clear-cut answers.

I think the reason for all the uncertainty is that people simply spend too much time thinking about gender. This might just be me being an insensitive bitch, but personally I don't get it. I don't get why people complicate gender and take gender theory classes in college and the like. To me, gender is just a social tool, if you will. It's imprinted into our minds from a very early age because it's become tradition. Girls typically wear dresses to certain occasions, but it's totally fine if they wear a tux, because the whole dress thing is a tradition and I'd say we've broken plenty of traditions already. So ultimately that's all gender is. A tradition.

What makes a woman a woman? Is it her ovaries? If she loses her ovaries to ovarian cancer does that make her less of a woman? Is it that maternal brand of sensitivity that woman have maintained for centuries? If a woman is insensitive, is she less of a woman?

What makes a man a man? Is it his dick? If he loses his dick to, I dunno, dick cancer does that make him less of a man? Is it that macho, protective, stoic brand of strength that men have possessed for generations? If a man is super sensitive and emotionally fragile, is he less of a man?

My answer to all of these questions is another question: who cares? If I lose my boobs to breast cancer or if I'm an insensitive, overpowering, manly chick I'm still a woman. I don't know what exactly makes me a woman. If you can lose your ovaries and still feel that sense of womanhood, if you can have completely different personality traits from traditional women, then I guess sex and gender alone do not make a person, huh?

I guess the point of this journal is that gender is bullshit to me. If you are a female and you wanna live as a male then do it. Just do whatever makes you happy. Don't complicate things with a spectrum and theories and stuff. Whenever I've talked to trans people about gender, I got the feeling that they didn't even know what they were talking about, they were just trying to sound deep and profound.

Gender does not define you. I'm not sure it even exists. I think gender is in a weird way comparable to religion: to some people it very much exists, to other it doesn't. And just like religion, gender is something traditional that is shoved down our throats as soon as we exit the womb.

Comments

MacAvity's picture

Agreed.

I know I don't fall under normal binary gender definitions, but I've given up trying to understand anything outside of that - it's too broad, too vague, too loaded with political correctness bullshit. I express the way I want, and that's good enough for me.

radiosilence95's picture

And I think that's great.

And I think that's great. Just, y'know, doing whatever feels right and comes naturally. I was worried that posting this would offend people on this site, and I would've liked to get feedback from our trans members, but they're all nowhere to be found.

Tycoondashkid's picture

some what Agree

although Gender is more Psychological, as science has confirmed that

radiosilence95's picture

I could see how it would

I could see how it would also have a lot to do with psychology. Do you have any links to online articles that talk about that? I love psychology stuff.

jeff's picture

Yeah...

I think the trans community has done itself and everyone else a disservice by making hyper gender fixation their seeming end result, especially when you consider the people who are seeking out this information likely have some sort of gender dysphoria to begin with. It's the only group to ever promote OCD as a positive thing that I'm aware of...

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

It's unfortunate to say, and

It's unfortunate to say, and I do hate generalizing, but literally every trans person I've ever spoken to has an unnecessary obsession with gender. I'm sure not every single member of the trans community is like that, but the majority probably are. It's like all they seem to wanna talk about.

Bosemaster42's picture

Jeff, speaking of OCD,

I have a couple of friends with OCD disorder. I would have to agree it normally isn't a positive, however, my friend Petey used to come over my house often and we'd play 'Magic the gathering'. We would take everything off the kitchen table and when done, Petey would put everything back exactly the way it was on the table. My mother loved him for this! I think I gave Petey the ideal hobby for his condition. He loved looking at the dry stone walls I built on the property. I gave him the basic principles of stone masonry and voila! Since then, he has built several walls and his work is quite impressive. In his case, OCD contributed to his meticulous placing of stones.

jeff's picture

Well...

You can put it to positive use, but the mere fact that you have a mental compulsion that requires you to do these things is still less than desirable, no?

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Bosemaster42's picture

I agree.

Having a compulsion to do anything is problematic, potentially.

Bosemaster42's picture

I agree with radiosilence,

gender doesn't necessarily define who a person is. It's inherent in our culture for sure. Babie's are defined by their parents. The clothes you put on a baby is usually the first way of defining them as male or female. Why? Because it's considered the norm. Most parents will never stray from what other parents do, or they may be influenced by their own parents. Later, it's the toys the parents and others buy for them that defines as male or female. I saw this program on television(can't remember exactly which one, I'm a chronic surfer) and it was about this little boy(maybe 5 or 6yrs old) who desired wearing girls clothes. His mother tried to change his mind, but he was adamant about the clothes he wanted to wear. When asked why, he simply stated, "they are more comfortable and I like them". The mother was concerned because he was going to be starting kindergarten and she was afraid of what other children and parents would think and especially what they'd say.

radiosilence95's picture

I can understand why people

I can understand why people are uncomfortable with lines being crossed when it comes to gender. It used to weird me out too. We have to take into consideration the fact that we've defined gender a certain way for centuries. It'd be very difficult for many people to shift their views of the subject.

If the kid wants to dress like a girl, I say let him. Many people would disagree with me though, and I think that's tragic. The poor kid will probably be teased mercilessly throughout elementary school. Some people, some psychologists even, might say that he has some sort of mental issue that needs to be addressed. But he doesn't. So nope, don't really believe in gender. I don't dress a certain way because I'm a female; I dress a certain way because it's what I like. It's what I'm comfortable wearing. No need to think too deeply about the hows and whys.

Dracofangxxx's picture

I have never once in my life gave a flying fuck about gender.

And look at me- I have the most androgynous face and haircut ever at the moment. I'm kind of stuck in the middle in terms of interest or personality.

I believe it's more asinine labels that humanity loves to apply to feel "different" or "special" or further segregate themselves to find others like them. It's something humans do very often, for a lot of things. I mean, it's kind of human nature.

I don't care if you're a panromantic genderfluid pomosexual (ehehe..). Honestly. The more labels you apply to yourself, the more I'm gonna probably hate you. Just love who you want, touch who you want, fuck who you want, and stop worrying about a pronoun- it's just a little human meat grunt to generalize a populace. It can not harm you.

My gender? It's Shelby. As in I-am-myself-and-that's-all. I go by she because that's what I've gone by my whole life, I have female genitals, and I'd like them to be used as such. Bisexual, because there's only two sexes (plus intersex, a mix of the two).

I'm not sure why anyone would want to further complicate this issue. Stop worrying about labels and define yourself as a being, give yourself a purpose beyond ~knowing what you are~ and just be yourself??? We spend so much time defining we lose track of our real selves and become a label and that bothers me rather highly.

My gender is myself- And I like it that way. If I wanna crossdress or bind or anything, I can, at liberty, without questioning my gender because I am secure in my personal gender as being myself.

I think pronouns are so highly valued but yet so stupid. I use them to dictate what genitals I have OR what role I'd like them to play (as a "woman"). Most people's sexual interests do stem from the "parts" you have, which is where traditional gender comes from.

I think it should kind of end there. Easier.
-
That's redick!

radiosilence95's picture

Haha pomosexuality oh my

Haha pomosexuality oh my god. That makes me laugh.

Very well put. I agree with all of the above. Labels are a complete waste of time, at least for me. But, y'know, like you said, people love applying labels so they feel they can identify with a special group of individuals.

Also, people love being victims even if they'd never admit it. I think that over-thinking the whole gender thing and shrouding oneself in a veil of genderfuckery gives people the idea that they are victims of society's sexual injustices. They can cry wolf whenever they feel "victimized," even though in most cases this so-called victimization is merely a lack of knowledge about the trans community. How can we avoid "victimizing" these people when they never make their views on gender clear enough? If you say you live as a male and I address you with male pronouns, don't attack me for failing to grasp that you are in fact a intersexed genderfluid genderqueer transchick. Or whatever.

So....yeah. Labels are frivolous things. No need to complicate things. Just be who you are and live life. Chill out.

elph's picture

Pomosexuality?

What's the etymology?

From the prefix, I'm obliged to guess that it probably refers to a rather fruity sexuality. But... meaning what?

Possibly... gays used to be referred to in a derogatory manner as being "fruits." Is there a relationship?

radiosilence95's picture

See my response below to Bosemaster.

It's one of those new hipster sexualities that isn't really a sexuality so much as it is a trend for people who are trying to make themselves special.

elph's picture

Sorta get that...

But what's the rationale for the specific prefix: pomo-?

jeff's picture

err...

postmodern.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

"Pomo" is actually shorthand

"Pomo" is actually shorthand for "postmodern." Never really understood the definition of postmodern either...

elph's picture

Thank you!

I don't "get it" either. Oh, well...

Bosemaster42's picture

I hate abbreviations,

Unless it's referring to organizations and such. I actually wrote a poem about the subject.

Bosemaster42's picture

What the hell is a pomosexual?

Please forgive my ignorance, but I've never heard the term before.
The mother of that little boy decided to support him and let him wear what he wanted. After watching him and listening to him, he struck me as quite normal. He likes girls clothes and loves to play with dolls,so be it.
If his fellow classmates pick on him or are verbally cruel, it may influence him otherwise, but you never know, he's still quite young.
I have to agree with labeling, it seems every little nuance a person may have about themself is turned into a frigging label. Pomosexual?? Really?!

radiosilence95's picture

Pomosexuality is the dumbest

Pomosexuality is the dumbest sexual label ever. Get this: it's applied to people who don't want to conform to any sexual labels. They label themselves something new because they don't want to be labeled, basically.

The typical statement of a pomosexual: "Oh, I'm not gay or straight. I'm not anything. I hate labels. I'm actually pomosexual."

Super Duck's picture

Agreed

Haha, oh god, I am getting SOOOO sick of the gender bullshit that's all over the internet, particularly Tumblr. Almost every time I see the word "gender" on my Tumblr dashboard, I automatically just scroll right on past. I don't understand the need for the 87 thousand different labels, or pronouns that look like xiufdsdksjf, or why it's such a big damn deal. Of course, I would never express this opinion on Tumblr for fear of getting virtually crucified, but honestly! I am both mentally and biologically a girl, and a fairly feminine one at that, but it doesn't control my entire life. It isn't the defining point of my whole existence. Just because I enjoy going shopping, for example, doesn't mean it's somehow illegal for me to play video games, and when I play the aforementioned video games it doesn't magically make me not a girl. It does not mean I have to go and create some new label that means "girl who enjoys both technology AND the color pink."

I just honestly don't get it, like, at all. If you feel like on the inside you are actually the opposite gender, go for it. If you want to be totally androgynous, go for it. If you're a traditional manly macho lumberjack dude or super frilly princess chick, go for it. I just don't understand what the big deal is. 

radiosilence95's picture

Good thing I'm not on Tumblr

Good thing I'm not on Tumblr at all. From what I've heard from Shelby it's full of nothing but whiny 20-somethings desperately trying to show the internet how profound and insightful they are. No Tumblr for this girl any time soon.

But, here's a sort of mindfuck for me: if I stick with my belief that gender doesn't really exist (I guess I'm a gender atheist), then can the concept of transgenderism exist, or is it just people dressing and acting however they want regardless of social norms? And another thing: what is the difference between transsexual and transgendered? I once got ripped apart for using the term transsexual. Dunno why. I always thought that transsexual is with surgery and stuff and transgender is without surgery.

Super Duck's picture

Oh, I love Tumblr, but the

Oh, I love Tumblr, but the fandom part, not the whiny hipster asshole part. Haha.

I am not entirely sure. I guess transsexual would deal more with someone's sex rather than their mental gender? I don't know, I understand that some people have a need to change their outsides to match their insides and that's okay, but I am far from being an expert on the subject.

MacAvity's picture

Heheheh

I honestly thought that 'pomosexual' was something you just made up, and that it meant 'attracted to apples.' Like, actual apples, like the fruit. I don't know what else apples would be but probably something, but no.

As far as I know you've not been misinformed about the difference between transsexual and transgender. I think some people just like to get offended any way they can.

Agreed with Super Duck about the Tumbler thing - I don't love it (it sucks too much of my time), but I use it to follow fandoms and such - it's pretty much the only place I can interact with other Horrible Historians, even though I don't do much interacting... it's nice just to see that there are others.

radiosilence95's picture

Hehe. I'm thinking I just

Hehe. I'm thinking I just might invent my own sexualities too. Like hypersexual or hemisexual or countersexual or bibliosexual or schizosexual or something. I'm just gonna write a whole dictionary of bullshit sexualities for fun.

I almost never hear the word transsexual anymore, so I was wondering if the term hadn't become obsolete. Even those who have undergone surgery refer to themselves as transgendered, so I dunno anymore.

elph's picture

Makes a lot more sense...

At least all of your suggestions possess universally-recognized prefixes!

Pomosexual defies definition... and, if it survives, it will risk engendering even more confusion than gender.

Bosemaster42's picture

I agree with Elph,

maybe you should develop your own dictionary and then post it on tumblr. Watch the reactions you get. Hah!

Bosemaster42's picture

Apples can refer to...

Testicles. It can't be a real word. How could anything be post-modern?
Sounds like an oxymoron.

radiosilence95's picture

Pomosexual isn't technically

Pomosexual isn't technically a real word, it's just a sexuality that some idiot invented because he didn't want to be sexually labeled so he invented a new label. Hehe. I've always said that eventually we won't just be the LGBT community; we'll become the entire alphabet community.

I looked up postmodernism on Wiki and I couldn't really grasp it. Here's the article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postmodernism

Bosemaster42's picture

The wiki definition

isn't really clear. It's essentially a buzzword. I had heard the term used in art and architecture before. It's something new and different that doesn't conform to the 'modernist' style. In fact, 'postmodernists' are thumbing their noses at the 'modernists'. How that applies to sexuality, i have no answer for that. Whatever happened to 'I'm a little different than most people'. Sounds good and clear enough to me.