There are lots of things that I don't even pretend to understand. One of those is gender, or at least, all of the principles and ideas that surround gender. There is a theory that gender is simply a convenient set of guidelines created by society based on your sex. A father tells his little son to stop crying because only girls cry. A mother tells her daughter to come inside and clean off the grime of the day because only boys play in the mud.
The one thing I do comprehend is the difference between sex and gender. Sex refers to the physical and biological characteristics, whereas gender refers to behavior and personality traits. What confuses me is the emphasis that people place on gender. By that I mean that there are people who focus way too much of their time defining who they are in terms of their gender. I've asked questions; it's not like I've stubbornly rooted myself in ignorance on this subject. But the answers I've gotten make it seem like nobody knows what they're talking about when it comes to the topic.
Why complicate it? Supposedly gender is a broad, nearly infinite spectrum. Why? If you were born a dude but you feel with all your heart that you're a girl, be a girl. Wear dresses and makeup and be feminine. Who cares? Maybe you sometimes feel like a girl but other times feel like a guy. Switch it up every week. I dunno. It's no big deal, really. I've stumbled across what is practically an entire language about gender. Somebody could write a gender dictionary because there are fifty terms applied to the different ways that people identify themselves based on gender. Intersex, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. I don't know what any of these even mean, except for intersex. And whenever I've asked members of the trans community, I never get any clear-cut answers.
I think the reason for all the uncertainty is that people simply spend too much time thinking about gender. This might just be me being an insensitive bitch, but personally I don't get it. I don't get why people complicate gender and take gender theory classes in college and the like. To me, gender is just a social tool, if you will. It's imprinted into our minds from a very early age because it's become tradition. Girls typically wear dresses to certain occasions, but it's totally fine if they wear a tux, because the whole dress thing is a tradition and I'd say we've broken plenty of traditions already. So ultimately that's all gender is. A tradition.
What makes a woman a woman? Is it her ovaries? If she loses her ovaries to ovarian cancer does that make her less of a woman? Is it that maternal brand of sensitivity that woman have maintained for centuries? If a woman is insensitive, is she less of a woman?
What makes a man a man? Is it his dick? If he loses his dick to, I dunno, dick cancer does that make him less of a man? Is it that macho, protective, stoic brand of strength that men have possessed for generations? If a man is super sensitive and emotionally fragile, is he less of a man?
My answer to all of these questions is another question: who cares? If I lose my boobs to breast cancer or if I'm an insensitive, overpowering, manly chick I'm still a woman. I don't know what exactly makes me a woman. If you can lose your ovaries and still feel that sense of womanhood, if you can have completely different personality traits from traditional women, then I guess sex and gender alone do not make a person, huh?
I guess the point of this journal is that gender is bullshit to me. If you are a female and you wanna live as a male then do it. Just do whatever makes you happy. Don't complicate things with a spectrum and theories and stuff. Whenever I've talked to trans people about gender, I got the feeling that they didn't even know what they were talking about, they were just trying to sound deep and profound.
Gender does not define you. I'm not sure it even exists. I think gender is in a weird way comparable to religion: to some people it very much exists, to other it doesn't. And just like religion, gender is something traditional that is shoved down our throats as soon as we exit the womb.