headspinning headache

centerfielder08's picture

headspinning headache.

i really just want to go to class and use male pronouns and be eli. i just cant fucking stand being a girl.
i talked to my prof today and was going to ask if she could use male pronouns for me but i didnt sound so sure when i said it so i think it didnt realy get my point across.
and then at one point i asked if hypothetically, if i wanted to and was ready for an informal name and pronoun change for class, if that'd be ok. i think she said yes. at least im pretty sure of that.

anyway, need to figure out how to definitely say thats what i want. i keep sitting to talk with her and then i cant make eye contact, i hush my voice, speak in a higher pitch and pretend like it doesnt matter what name and pronouns people use for me.

im lying because it is burning inside of me.
i feel like even if its just this one class and it will be ending in like a month, i want a refuge from the constant acting im doing. i want to be called eli and he.

how do i say this?
email or talk to her in person again?

i cant chicken out. sure im nervous. but if people dont like it, fuck them. i dont know if the prof supports me or not. i dont know why that bothers me so much or even matters to me but it does.

PLEASE HELP ME OUT. <3 i'll be eternally grateful.



thoughtgoddess's picture

I'd suggest emailing her.

I'd suggest emailing her. That way you can word things as you want to, and you can come across more confident than maybe you could in person. That could also get you in the practice of writing it out to a professor if you wanted to start classes next semester using mail pronouns.

centerfielder08's picture

:) that's really smart. im

:) that's really smart. im going to hopefully start drafting an email today and then maybe i'll post it here for people to leave comments/questions / suggestions?

:) and thank you so much. eternall y grateful.

youre awesome <3