i really just want to go to class and use male pronouns and be eli. i just cant fucking stand being a girl.
i talked to my prof today and was going to ask if she could use male pronouns for me but i didnt sound so sure when i said it so i think it didnt realy get my point across.
and then at one point i asked if hypothetically, if i wanted to and was ready for an informal name and pronoun change for class, if that'd be ok. i think she said yes. at least im pretty sure of that.
anyway, need to figure out how to definitely say thats what i want. i keep sitting to talk with her and then i cant make eye contact, i hush my voice, speak in a higher pitch and pretend like it doesnt matter what name and pronouns people use for me.
im lying because it is burning inside of me.
i feel like even if its just this one class and it will be ending in like a month, i want a refuge from the constant acting im doing. i want to be called eli and he.
how do i say this?
email or talk to her in person again?
i cant chicken out. sure im nervous. but if people dont like it, fuck them. i dont know if the prof supports me or not. i dont know why that bothers me so much or even matters to me but it does.
PLEASE HELP ME OUT. <3 i'll be eternally grateful.