I am Hurt so bad

NickBoy's picture

Im a 15 year old boy . Im battling with being gay and I dont want to be gay . I imagine having a wife with kids but Im just not attracted to females for some odd reason . Well , it was a couple a months ago when I was spending a night at my cousens house , all night we seemed to be flirting and I got a few gay vibes for him . So when we were about to go to sleep , i was so tempted , got under the covers with him and got on top of him (THATS IT) hes 15 too , and he turned over and said "What you doin." He left the room and waited until i was sleep to come back to the bed and sleep . The second time , he was sleeping another night , I crept behind him woth my penis towards his behind and he woke up and dragged me off of his bed and said " Stay the FUCK off of my bed , like seriously." He went downstairs , him and my cousens came back up 30 minutes later , i pretended i was sleep , and heard them saying if i touched them theyd beat my ass and joking around with my gayness . I left the very next day , and they told my other cousen and god knows who else . my brother went over the next week and they told him . But it was a little while ago , so im here because my brother throws it in my face and told my mother and sister knowing it bothers me . i bet my mother beleives him because I humped my brother while he was sleeping then he woke . It sounds so creepy but im not a rapist . i just get the urge to do it because i know theyd ridicule me for asking them for sex . im very cool and im not even a weirdo like that . . i prohibit myself from spendin the night over any mens house cause id get tempted . PLLLEEASE HELPP . I AM HURTING INSIDE SOOOOO BADD .

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Well, two issues really...

You need to sort out being gay, and get comfortable with all of that. Hanging out here can help with that side.

You need to stop trying to mount random guys, since that is unfortunately not how it works.

But if you work on getting comfortable with yourself, then you'll end up in situations like a GSA when school kicks in, where you'll find boys who do want to have sex with other boys, and then game on.

Welcome to Oasis!

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Uncertain's picture

rejoinder

You probably need to stop humping your family members too...

Welcome to oasis...

elph's picture

Yeah...

That, too...

NickBoy's picture

g

i know that !! Thats why im staying away from the guy family members when their sleeping , it makes me feel bad and im not a rapist . :)