so much has happened recently, yet i have no desire to write anything.
Quite strange put i did have my first kiss.
And got intoxicated out of my head.
But i broke up with this guy as after only the second "date" (well i just went to his house) i suddenly felt a huge rush of getting out and i became so uncomfortable in his setting.
Then when i broke up with him - well i was just seeing him and wanted to get out early, as i am honest person when it comes to feelings and it would not get too complicated if i went out quick - i felt so happy!
There it was, i completely contradicted myself, i was happy at being single. Just that so short experience had taught me to not enter a relationship you only have mild feelings about and its okay to be 17 and not have a boyfriend, as i know now ( even though it sounds uber cheesy) that i really do want to find someone special.
I think it ruins in the family, as my older brothers first serious girlfriend's have all been in their first years at uni. I just kinda feel sorry for the boy, as for some reason i don't even want to go near him soon, even though he has not done anything and he has not hurt me, i just really cant be bothered. It would not be even awkward say if i bumped into him, i just seem to have this strange but strong desire to not see him for like a month or so.
In other news i am stuck inside 2 friendship circles.
I have my old friends who i love being around and don't need drink etc to have a really great time, but they bitch a lot and in the summer which it is now (started on friday!) they all disappear without a trace for some bizarre reason.
Then i have this lesbian friend that i have know a few months, who recently became REALLY good friends with this circle from the main college that i don't go too. Problem is that i have been with them a couple times now and i don't think they like me. I think they find me superficial because i like fashion and stuff and also they DRINK SO MUCH, its like thats all what they do and its was fun the first time but i have come to terms that i seriously am not a alcohol person. Even though that seems conservative to the majority of youths i know, i don't give a shit to be honest, as i am quite a hedonist in life, so i am not going to spend all my time on something i don't like, just to please others.
With the group i feel like I am on the fringes of it and i know that, as they this almost have this cult like obsession on Facebook, where everybody in the group (apart from me) likes what the other person from the groups image, status ect. its so annoying as say for example when someone from the group's changes their profile image, i know for fact all the people who are going to like it! Also they do go out a lot, which i want to do because in this summer holiday i have just started now, i want to go out a lot more, but i am at a odd stage where i don't know if i will or wont get invited to their parties and stuff, as i am not in their circle, so i feel like i am just always in the horrible middle ground, where i am almost oblivious as to weather they like me or not.
I would write way more on the situation above, but have no energy to write unfortunately. Also i am rambling, i am aware, but i am typing the truth ha.