Movie Star.

ElsaGabor's picture

It's sad that I enjoy being a damaged person? That my childhood was empty and barren? That I have harmed myself over and over the short years of my life?

Maybe it's just that I long to make up for all the years that my life was uninteresting and event-less, or so I can prove to myself I'm capable of emotion and feeling; That I can overcome anything, and show all the people who put me down that I can handle everything.

Or maybe to build a story, the kind of story that all the great stars had, of overcoming personal despair and wreckage to become bright, shining successes.

I want to be surrounded by interesting, beautiful people. I want to be in the center of the spotlight, I want to be famous, to make up for the loneliness that I've become so adjusted to. I don't know how, but I will.

Comments

javier's picture

...

Take up acting. It's fun and it creates a perfect visual of fame and glamour. Somewhat unsurprisingly I feel the same way about the whole loneliness part and the want of being surrounded by people.

ElsaGabor's picture

Actually,

I used to be a working actor. I stopped due to some personal issues, but it is true that it creates the perfect idea of fame and whatnot. Who knows, I might start working again :)

jeff's picture

Err..

Fame doesn't replace loneliness, it increases it. If anything, it is meant to be the least appealing part of doing good work and success. Of course, these days, it is the goal.

I think of all the actors I know, who have been in major Broadway productions, TV, etc., and none are driven by the fame. It is an empty goal on its own.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

ElsaGabor's picture

It may be an empty goal to you,

but for some people like me who received no attention or recognition throughout their life, it proves a way to make up for the lack of it. That being said I am not completely driven by fame, it is a mere aspect of life that I find appealing. I would much rather have the respect of experts in whichever field I pursue rather than notoriety. But why not have both?

jeff's picture

Well...

It is empty if you are famous for no reason other than being famous, like being on reality TV or somesuch. Because you are being lauded and recognized for having achieved nothing. Plus, it is temporary.

Louis CK is being profiled everywhere now as the World's Greatest Living Comic with profiles in EW, Rolling Stone, etc., and in each one, he mentions that he is aware that this is a temporary thing, and next year, someone else will be the best comic. Only superhumans with a team of people, like Madonna, can sustain fame for any length of time.

Fame should be a byproduct of hard work, success, and skill. You don't need to pursue it. It will find you if you are doing good work.

On Extras, Ricky Gervais's character was on a bad sitcom he hated, and as his fame started diminishing, he went on Celebrity Big Brother to keep in the spotlight, until he had this breakdown, which sums it up pretty well:

http://youtu.be/EQAr_AjZt-E?t=40s

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

ElsaGabor's picture

Yes, I want to be famous. I

Yes, I want to be famous.

I never stated that I wanted to be famous for being famous, or be a reality star or what not. Nor did I say I was emptily pursuing it. I have ambitions that do not solely involve, or even relate to becoming famous. I said I found fame appealing, not that its is the only thing I want out of life. And if I did, what's wrong with that? I wouldn't be harming anyone, would I? Would it make anyone a bad person if they did openly pursue fame? No, of course not. It's just people living their lives. I agree that fame should be a result of good deeds and hard work, but if someone can get in the spotlight, there is clearly something that attracted people's attention in the first place.

And to clarify, I have no ambitions to be an actor. Just thought I'd put that out there.

jeff's picture

Well...

The post is called Movie Star, in which you said you want to be the center of attention, in the spotlight, and famous. So, fair assumption if you only focus on that part that you're only interested in that part, as the majority of people DO only focus on that part.

I could argue you'd be harming yourself pursuing fame, but since no one else is hurt in the process, fair game...

If you look at Paris Hilton, Kim Kardassian, etc., usually what attracted people's attention in the first place was a sex tape. ;-)

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

I think, deep down, we all

I think, deep down, we all enjoy a bit of damage for a wide variety of reasons. It makes us feel like we've overcome a lot of bullshit, it allows us to submerse ourselves in this tortured soul persona, etc. So basically we're all masochists to a certain degree :P

I personally am glad I endured a bit of damage. Not only did it toughen me up and give me a bit of wisdom (though I still have a ways to go), the shit I've been through, no matter how petty and meaningless it seems looking back, has fueled my creativity. If I went through life without conflict I would be a terrible writer. So I definitely don't blame you.

ElsaGabor's picture

I agree completely with what

I agree completely with what you're saying. I myself pull the tortured soul card every time I'm down on my luck, probably a little too much for my own good.

Tycoondashkid's picture

i enjoyed my own personel hell

because its what i was used to and all that i know, im afraid of new things i have to do so thats kept me in a personal hell, and to top it i may have mental illnesses.

its been said to me a couple times that due to most of my childhood being a real hell, it seems im most familiar with hell

ElsaGabor's picture

Well,

I can't say I'm afraid of new things, but I myself am adjusted to the poor social conditions of my life. I can't say my childhood was hell, it just didn't exist; I had to grow up far too fast. So I guess I'm adjusted to feeling lonely because I had no one to relate to.

Tycoondashkid's picture

i couldn't relate to anyone either

when i say "childhood" i technically meant for me Survival training, hell i could live in the woods for weeks without a problem and would easily out pace any animal (its all foot work, climbing and clever hiding)

hehe, i became the towns hide and seek champion, i learned to hide in the tightest spaces, anything to not get beaten i guess

ElsaGabor's picture

Very interesting,

I never had to struggle in means of surviving, mostly just coping with having little to no relationships with everyone in my life. And if I had to survive in the woods, I'd be dead in about 48 hours xD