Reflecting on my personality

Uncertain's picture

It's quite late, and I should really go to bed, I have to catch a flight tomorrow morning, and it's really quite cold, I don't even want to leave my bed, let alone the apartment.

I was thinking about things I need to work on, personality wise, regarding myself. I've boiled them down to two main things:

1. I really need to work on my temperament. This is a really odd one, I'm by no means an aggressive person, or irritable. Some people even say they can never imagine me being angry. But I do get stressed quite easily, and when that happens, I try to avoid people - or worse I can become quite absorbed in that stress and then I do lash out at people. I would also lose all ability to multi-task. Sometimes I just need to remember some things are quite inconsequential, at least in the long term, and that I should take deep breaths and not be so impulsive (I'm a very impulsive person in general already) when I'm stressed. And just appreciate people more, I need to treat them like they're people. I feel like this has been a result of a very tense upbring, and something I have probably picked up quite a bit from my father (unfortunately).

2. I need to stop being so lazy. Sometimes I lack motivation for the simplest tasks. I realised there is a three-arm (partial) solution to this. Firstly, stop drinking alcohol, because that means I'm not put out of action for hours or days at a time. Secondly, eat MORE, not just healthily, but actually eat substantially more than I already do - I realised I've been severely under-calorie-ing myself, to the point which I do it so much I've "normalised" it - and the one day (in the holidays) I ate three solid meals in a day I actually felt so much more energetic but also HAPPIER (as simple as that). Thirdly, have proper sleeping patterns, and part of this is forcing myself to wake up in the morning - and cutting back on caffeinating my body. In general, just work harder, be more organised, be more productive, get more stuff done, get better grades (effects).

Also need to save more money, but that will happen when I stop drinking, and eat properly by making more food at home (instead of eating out).

That's it for now. Don't want to bore you all. I'll be away for a week at (yet another) debating tournament. Quite excited as I've got subsidised stay at a hotel for the entire trip(!), and a $450 subsidy from the university. I want to do really well at this competition, but it's the second biggest debating tournament in the world and there's going to be some really fierce competition.

Mother is still in the country, but is now touring the South Island, I'll journal about her visit next time. Other things I just want to jot down - applying for a clerkship, and if I don't get that I've already asked my professor for a studentship. Running for student elections in another two weeks, have been ramping that up too. Also, been on two more dates with cute boy (let's call him R). Thoughts on him another day.

God damnit, balancing so many things right now.


elph's picture

Thanks for this very personal introspection...

This journal should prove motivational for all Oasies... not just for yourself! :)

Have a great trip... enjoy the tournament... and wishing you success!