Dracofangxxx's picture


Anyways if you were just here for the hair, go ‘head and X out now

I guess I’ve been having constant “romantic stress” in my life since about like, 2009. I dated a kid, my first love, for over a year and, during that, abused him emotionally (since I was young, abused by my family, and didn’t know any better). Consequently, we broke up after that. During that time, I fell into a bit of extra depression, lost all my friends, and hit rock bottom. Then I started getting counseling, broke out of my abusive nature, became happy, and here I am.

But, the story isn’t *really* over.

I dated a few people shortly while I was away from the ex, one “wasn’t allowed to date”, forcefully enticed me into sexual contact, made fun of the way my ladybits smelled (what are they supposed to smell like? roses?) and then left to go see his girlfriend!… funny how that works. THe next one was rather boring and was only interested in kissing- whether I wanted to or not. Yikes.

During the time we were apart, the ex dated another girl- my best friend, and also my first same-sex romantic interest. She then cheated on him. Shortly after they broke up because of said cheating, the ex returned to me and we dated, me being better, and I expected the best.

After all, I was better- the issue that broke us up. Shouldn’t it be better?

Wrong. The abuse that rubbed off on me rubbed off on him. And consequently ruined our relationship, because now his anger issues are thoroughly worse, to the point he’d get angry at me and not understand why and just ignore me.

And god, I feel like an idiot. I tried, through 3 breakups, to keep staying by him, to help him, to get him to be okay like I did when he dumped me the FIRST time.

But, no. It’s all lost.

So we broke up again. And now I’m single. And I thought it would suck, but I’m happy, and I thought maybe I could find new guys to date to remind me that he’s not the only one that I can love/be loved by.

And a few of the guys I liked and I knew also liked me, I tried for.

Two of them that liked me randomly said no to dating me despite the feelings

and one already has an abusive girlfriend (and possibly std’s, or so says his computer history….from her, since she sleeps around a lot)

the only people interested in me currently are older men, and mostly for sexual reasons. The funny thing is, I’ve never found myself particularily attractive, rather hovering around the middle of the spectrum, since all through middle school I was told I was too manly and ugly.

Awesome, right?

so, uhm… I’mjust feeling really not-self-confident at the moment and kind of still don’t think I’m attractive, even though numerous ADULTS keep telling me I am. I’m not sure why it’s all older people, but I guess I’m fllattered. Maybe I should adjust my age group to older people anyways, since I’m going to college next year.

I don’t know. I’m very stressed out and feeling not-good-enough, which is typical for me when I drop into moods.

I just want something romantic to work out for once and not be so stressfull. I want to be good enough to recieve that sort of thing.
I know it's kinda mopey, but just wanted to write some stuff out.


hellonwheels's picture

You look Just fine,

Shelby! Honest to god, that haircut looks great, and you kinda look like my friend jesse.

Maybe a little bit butch, but hey, you've got a nice smile and have a lot going for ya.

I know, I know...I was totally the one who talked about you being young still and relationships not mattering as much, but you know what? He blew it....three times over.

you are better off w/o shouting matches, abuse, etc.

Go find yourself a nice guy, whose into the same things you are, and see where it goes from there.

tehre are always more fish in the sea.


Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Dracofangxxx's picture

Ay, thanks Hell C: <3 You're always a picker-upper!

I appreciate the sweetness!! <3 :)

Man, see, I've been trying with all my close friends that ~used to be sooo into me~, but it's all kinda gone to shit :P that's what's frustrating! It's like, wow! GREAT OPPORTUNITY, WE GET ALONG AMAZING, AWESOME LET'S GO oh wait now you don't want to for... some weird reason? oh, okay!

So, I'm not like CHASING 4 LUV, but it sure as hell frustrates me to get teased with great opportunities that all fall through :P I just want to date someone that's not the angry asian boy!!!
That's redick!

elph's picture

Lighting a tad improved...

...but yesterday's pic remains the winner despite lack of lighting! :(

Use an external lamp to get the right shading and illumination (it'll also reduce pupil size and allow your eye color to come through).

All pics exude a very vibrant androgyny...

Dracofangxxx's picture

Man stop harping on my lighting!

I was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO A BRIGHT LIGHT when I took these ones... Maybe it's your computer that's too dark.

I guess thanks for the comment?
That's redick!

elph's picture


I thought I was giving you a much-deserved compliment...

Oh, well.

Bosemaster42's picture

You have an adorable face,

and a very nice smile. You shouldn't have any hang-ups about your looks.
Perhaps, some of your potential boyfriends can't see past the shorter hair cut. You still have a youthful baby face, combined with the short hair does give you a more androgynous look. You can add me to the list of adults who think you are attractive, I guess.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Thank you so much c':

I only recently have my hair *this* short. Usually it's a bit longer, but I can see how you might be right. Thanks though!
That's redick!

SometimesY's picture

I think you're attractive.

I think you're attractive. Just sayin' ;)

Also, I think that you should just enjoy yourself for a while. Have some fun being 'that awesomely blunt and hilarious (adorable) girl' and not 'that girl with the boyfriend', ya know? Anyone who can like you as you are is definitely worth more than someone you have to change for.

For the record, I think you're great. Maybe some time not worrying about the 'other half' will do you some good. Have fun! And be cute. But you've already got that part down ;)

Dracofangxxx's picture

Ahaha c: <3 much appreciated, friend :')

all this attention is making me blush XP

I am definitely trying to enjoy myself C: And it's been fun so far! but then I take one step in the more-permanent direction and it falls apart. Whoops :P

That's redick!

SometimesY's picture

I know how that goes! It's

I know how that goes! It's like you know you shouldn't try so hard but you can't help yourself!

And anytime! :D

radiosilence95's picture


You cute as hell :P

I hope you know that it's perfectly okay to be single and remove yourself from all the drama that comes with dating and relationships, right?

Dracofangxxx's picture


Oh, I do! But it's so teasy-frustrating when things don't add up that should, mostly XP
That's redick!

lonewolf678's picture



Dracofangxxx's picture


But it seems to have randomly changed back, at least for me???? Sadface!
That's redick!