So yeah...hell, please read this

centerfielder08's picture

So I hope you dont mind me mentioning your name, hell (hellonwheels), but i feel like you can related? or could relate at one point, in one way?

So internalized phobias...homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, whatever...it all sucks.

I remember you were having a hard (to say the least) time with internalized homophobia, hell.

And i feel terrible about this but I need to admit this. I'm really internally transphobic, and tonight was worse than ever. I did some pretty shitty things and I regret it.

Am I the only one out there?

Comments

ElsaGabor's picture

No, you're not.

I'm not sure how far along you are in your own self-realization of your state as a transsexual (Which I'm presuming is your situation, sorry if I'm wrong), but I experienced internalized homophobia when I first began to realize I was gay. It is far more common than it may seem.

hellonwheels's picture

No, you are definitely not.

And believe me, I have been, and am still there in a lot of ways. I feel like I need to take my own advice here soon and just step outside of that so called comfort zone, but definitely the fear, anger, and internallized hatred is still there sometimes.

No worries on mentioning my username. I know ya didn't mean anything by mentioning me specifically.

Been kinda a shitty last two weeks for me to say the least between my friend's dad dying, t's suicide, and now, another kid I grew up with I find out lost her battle w/ breast cancer. shit is seriously fucked up sometimes.

as far as transphobia, I can definitely relate. My friend who I met on here, and one of my best gay friends out there, who happens to be very, very....well, flamboyant. He has this friend. Andrew. Who always gets pissed at me, because 'he' is a chick...and although andrew is FTM, in transition and on hormone shots and is going to have the surgery, even when binding, the tatas are still there. so sometimes I accidentally call him a her when we are drunk.

so yeah, I have fucked it up pretty bad in my group of GLBT friends as well.

If ya need to message me, definitely sent me a message.

hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

stillgotlegs's picture

I had some crazy internal homophobia in my early teens.

Used to be quite mean really, I sang "She Has a Girlfriend Now" pretty much non-stop to a friend of mine as a way of getting at her, and making myself feel better.

It's hugely cringey now.
---
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

centerfielder08's picture

i feel bad for not replying.

i feel bad for not replying. i want to but i dont know what to say. :(

sorry.