Apostrophe

MacAvity's picture

Hi.
I know you'll never read this message - it would be a lot different if you would - but hi anyway.

It's been four years now, since we met. Since I saw you and lost my heart to you from across the room. Since you thought I looked like I needed a friend, and introduced yourself to me after class, unwittingly sealing my fall. Since I was a confused and awkward kid and you were an angel.

It's been four years, and yeah, I remember, but I've moved on, don't worry. Still haven't found anyone else, but that's not for want of being open to the idea. My heart's been free now for almost as long as it was yours.
I thought I'd love you forever, and I knew I wouldn't.
I do think I could fall for you again. Probably would the moment you spoke to me.

And... it took me a while to realize this - I never knew you at all. In my mind you were perfect. Not even human. I'm still having trouble believing that you are imperfect in some way, flawed like every human, even though I know that has to be the case. I never saw - and still can't see - who you really are. And I can't let myself wish to see that, not now. Better just to leave it at this - I loved you, but only for your perfections, and that isn't a very good kind of love.

And I want to say this: I'm sorry for what I did two years ago. It was your day, and I had to steal it all by being melodramatic, and that was wrong. It probably made you worry about me, too, or at least pity me, and I'm sorry I did that to you, it was wrong. Most of all I hope it didn't give you any guilt - none of what happened was your fault. Even at the time I didn't blame you. Everything was me, and I shouldn't have done what I did.

I'm okay now. Better than okay. I'm happy. Honestly I am. If I were to contact you in any way it would be to tell you just that - I'm happy; please forget whatever worry or pity or guilt I may have caused you. I hope you're happy too.

Comments

elph's picture

OMG... What I'd have given...

...to know that someone felt this way about me... on that far-away planet so many eons ago.

lonewolf678's picture

Heartfelt,

perhaps this feeling may already be mutual.