coming out advice please

Penguinhugs's picture

I want to tell some one that I am a lesbian but I don't know who to tell I'm really stressing out about this. Any advice?

radiosilence95's picture

Most people start with their

Most people start with their friends and work their way up to eventually coming out to their family. Tell close friends that you truly trust and if they are your real friends, they'll support you. Coming out tends to be a good way of figuring out who your true friends are. Most often friends are the easiest to come out to and they tend to be the most supportive, so that's why you should start with them.

When you do get around to your family, timing is important. Don't tell your mom when she's had a stressful or rotten day and/or seems to be in a bad mood or a bad state of mind. That will sour her reaction. Wait until she seems to be in a decent mood and she can give you her full attention, and then just spit it out. There's no need to give a long, drawn-out speech; just say those two simple words. "I'm gay."

Prepare yourself for any questions members of your family may have, and answer them patiently and calmly no matter how negative the emotional reaction may initially be. Raising your voice when your parents fail to understand or accept your sexuality only makes the situation more tense. Keep control of your emotions even if they aren't.

Finally, just prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and expect something in between. I don't know if your family is homophobic or not, but it doesn't matter. They love you and although they may not react the way you want to, just be patient. Most of the time, parents eventually come around. Just know that one conversation isn't enough. It's an ongoing conversation that will evoke a ton of emotions and awkwardness, but you'll have to endure it.

I can't possibly predict how your parents will react because I don't know them. They might just surprise you.

oldfoxbob's picture


If your coming out to a friend thats one thing. If its to family its another. YOu did not say which your planning to tell...
If its a friend they can be told out right...just say Mary/Mike I think I am gay. If they are a true friend it will not matter to them..If they are not a true friend they may except it or refuse you. If they refuse you they were not worth keeping as a friend. Forget them.
If its family then sound them out first. I have said on here many times be prepared for the worst.So if the best happens its great! Ask the rents how they stand on Gay/bi issues. Something in the news works best. find out how they would react. Ask them directly what would they do if your brother./sister were gay? ( all in the same conversation) If they react positive then your safe. If negative then well may be its better to stay in the closet until your prepared to live on your own. Good luck regardless. OFG

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