diary of other

angel syndrome's picture

I'm so frightened of letting someone be close to me because I don't want to hurt them, I don't want my sorrow to be shared, the last anyone needs is more aching.

And also, in a smaller way, I think I am very afraid of having someone be mean to me. I think some things can't be fixed with "just smiling" or "toughen up", I think some things can't be fixed with a medicine cabinet or a shady doctor.


elph's picture

Does the fear of friendship...

stem from an erroneous suspicion that you may not be worthy?

You should be aware that this fear is very common in teen relationships... and is not exclusively a gay phenomenon....

And... you're quite correct that in most instances, nothing from the pharmacy can effect a "fix." But... there are exceptions, however, that might be recognized by a certified adolescent psychologist (not a "shady"). So... don't discount this route if all else fails!

It might be helpful if you would accept that any "object of your affection" is very likely just as uncertain as you about how he (an assumption) may be viewed by you.

Take it from me: You are indeed worthy! Be brave!

jeff's picture


If they're close to you, shared sorrow isn't a burden, because they know taking it on means you aren't carrying it all by yourself. It's sort of a gift.

It'd be sort of like when I have some, you can help carry it, and vice versa, because we're in this crazy world together, either as a friendship or a romantic relationship.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Bosemaster42's picture

I can understand,

your fear of allowing others to get too close. Sharing yourself can be a gamble of sorts, but is kind of necessary if you desire a relationship or even just a close friendship. It would help you to become less of a 'Myth' to others, I think. Sharing sorrow over the death of someone close to you is possible, but personal sorrow is created by the mind or by negative thoughts that attempt to hitchhike your attention. It is possible to let your sorrow go.
With the exception of chemical imbalances within the brain, many prescribed medications don't 'cure' anything. In fact, they may contribute to or worsen a persons condition, in my opinion. I see it all too frequently around me every day. I've even argued with my own doctor on the subject of over-medication. I too, think you are very worthy and you seem too nice for anyone to be that mean to you. Assholes will always be assholes!

angel syndrome's picture

None of my medication is

None of my medication is prescribed, by the way. They took it away from me when I was a bit younger because I was bad with it.

Sharing oneself is always frightening but I'll try to be braver! I really hope I can be.

Bosemaster42's picture


Okay. You should be careful then. I think I remember you saying your 420 friendly. I am too, I also grow my own supply along with vegetables.
I get concerned with opiates and their derivitives. I know too many people who are enslaved by their habit.
You can be braver, just don't give fear a place to reside within your mind and try to keep your attention on your objective.

jeff's picture


You do realize that if you click the reply link under angel syndrome's post, then your reply will go under it and be indented, yes?

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Bosemaster42's picture


sometimes I forget to do that, my fault