Nobody's posting anything. I guess I will, even though I just wrote a journal a couple days ago. Hooray for hogging the journal section! So I registered for school today, and it was weird. It was weird because this is my last year as a high school student and things are gonna change a lot. I don't know how I feel about anything and it's just...weird. They decided to put me in P.E first hour despite my protests. What the fuck. I'm a zombie in the morning and they expect me to run and shit. They expected me to do calculus first thing in the morning last year and now this. God damn it.
So Brittany and I had an interesting conversation about her boyfriend last night and it's still ongoing. I know what you're thinking. Oh my god Jenna you still haven't told her anything and you keep talking about her relationship and you're just so ridiculous right now and what the hell. I know I know I know I know I know. Our conversation can best be explained with direct quotes, so this is the dialogue:
Her: "I'm sorry I didn't respond the other day. I've been just really off lately."
Me: "That's totally okay. Is something wrong?"
"I'm just quite confused about stuff and it's making me go a little insane, but it's alright. I'll get it all figured out."
"Confused about what stuff? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to of course."
"My boyfriend is the main source of the confusion. I just feel odd about us anymore and he doesn't see it at all."
"Has he been treating you any better?"
"He has been, but it's just weird. Instead of getting more comfortable around him, I'm just getting less comfortable in certain situations. It's just weird."
"That is a bit odd. It's also weird that he doesn't notice anything. I'm sure you'll figure it out though. Just do whatever makes you happy."
(The next day) "Thanks for the support. I think I figured it out."
"You figured it out? Any conclusions you'd like to share? I mean, if you want to of course. I'm not trying to pry."
"...I was looking at this picture of us from over a year ago and we both just look so damn happy it's almost gross. I'm gonna show it to him and explain how it just feels like there is nothing to us any longer. No passion, no spark, no interest."
"...If he doesn't make you happy then find someone else who will. Cuz you deserve that. Definitely. The happiness, I mean. Not the breaking up part. If that is in fact what you're going to do."
"Haha, thanks for the advice. I don't know that I'll be breaking up with him, but I'll definitely be putting in some major restoration requests for this middle school relationship."
"I wish you luck, but if there's really nothing there then I honestly don't see the need to drag it out...oh shit. Was that insensitive? I feel like that may have been insensitive. Okay. I'll shut up now."
And she has yet to respond.
What the fuck Brittany. Why is she still trying? If there's nothing there...Shit, does she really care about him that much? And that whole thing about the confusion and the discomfort in "certain situations." What does that mean? I'm desperately trying not to jump to conclusions here. I don't even know anymore. I feel like this just keeps getting more and more complicated. It totally sounds like something regarding sexuality, am I right? Or is that just me seeing what I want to see?
I hung out with my friend Jayme for the first time since the beginning of summer last night and it was really nice. She's super immature and not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, if you catch my drift, but somehow we just click. Maybe that's why I like her company. She reveals my immature side that is almost dead and I'm not fighting to impress her. We sat on the merry-go-round on the school playground and smoked half a pack of cigarettes and talked about things that I don't really care about.
My great aunt's funeral was Monday. It was...I dunno. Eye-opening, I suppose. Her friends all showed up and explained to me that during her forty years working at a nursing home she touched a lot of people's lives. She made everybody laugh, she held so many people's hands when they were dying and nobody else was there. She put everybody before herself. I guess you can't really ask for a better person than that.
The one thing that annoyed me was that my dad's girlfriend's son insisted on bringing his girlfriend of the week. The kid is a football star and he's super popular, so my dad of course cares about him more than me. He dates a different girl every week and this funeral, this honoring of a truly wonderful woman whom I didn't get to know, became an opportunity for him to show off his slut to everybody. She had no business being there. I don't care if it may have been a kind gesture. She didn't even know the woman.