Locking Old Doors While Opening New Ones

Sam2000's picture

It's been a while since I've posted a journal on here, not because of laziness or anything like that, I've just been busy.

Too busy really!

Puberty has been painful for me, literally, and now I'm at my full adult height and weight just over 200 pounds. I'm actually taller than my Dad now, and have size 11 shoes! My Dad has to stand on his toes to hug me, but that's okay with us.

Thanks to weight training three times a week not all of that is fat, but I'm not a small guy. I think the all squats I'm doing are making my butt even bigger, but it's helping me walk better and I'm able to stand longer and longer before needing my wheelchair. I live for the day I no longer need it and can donate to someone who will sadly have to use it.

I'm also going through intense tutoring and vision training to make the most of the new brain connections, the hope here is that I'll be able to outgrow some of my learning disabilities and be as normal as possible...not easy when you're a weird kid like me! Why deny it... I'm one strange mother!

Looking back at my first journals on here I think my writing style has changed a bit, and from reading my Dad's diary I can see how he went through a similar shift in how he wrote too. People change and I'm no exception.

Soon I'll be starting at a new private school that's actually interested in teaching me, unlike my old public school. I'll be using customized schoolwork to help me in my weak areas and push me in my strong ones. My favorite part is that it's tech based teaching, so I'll be able to advance my computer skills : )) I've met some of my new classmates and "diversity" is a word used on a constant basis. I'm 100% positive I'm not the only gay student there too, but the closet door is locked tight for now.

Matthew and I are still together, our relationship getting better all the time. My Dad and his BF understand and support us, and from his diary I know they went through some rough times sneaking around, always afraid of being caught when they were my age.

My Grandma sold her house and moved close to where I live now, actually giving her a shorter commute and a easier lifestyle, but I still cried they day I left the home I grew up in knowing I'd never live there again.

My Grandpa is still in remission from his sickness and just like him I cherish each day we have together. We don't talk about what will eventually happen, we just make each day count. He treats Matthew like he's another grandson, his acceptance of us for what we are a huge step for a man who's favorite word used to be "faggot".

Austin's is the only one of us having a bad summer, his home life is a total mess, but he has an open invitation to stay over whenever he wants to, and it happens on a regular basis. He has the same open door with my Grandma who has hugged him every time he's come over for as long as we've been friends...well, I hug him all the time too. Sometimes when he's with me he doesn't say a word, and I understand. That's what friends do, they understand each other especially when things are rough.

As much as things can suck for me I know how lucky I really am, and know that things could be a whole lot worse for me too.

Now if I could just tie my shoes!!!!!

Sam :-))


elph's picture


Maybe shoes with Velcro straps would be more convenient? There are many... and they're quite stylish!

Sam2000's picture

I wear slip on shoes most

I wear slip on shoes most the time, and toe shoes to work out in. But tying a regular pair...I've never been able to do it : ( My hands just can't make it happen.