Many a Germ 'Twixt Cup and Lip

radiosilence95's picture

I caught wind of a disturbing statistic about abusive relationships the other day. Supposedly abuse is twice as likely to occur in lesbian relationships than heterosexual ones. I'm always wary whenever statistics like that are presented to me because it's so easy to misrepresent the numbers and such. If that's true, and I remain highly skeptical, then I don't understand how. Women as a whole tend to be less aggressive. I dunno.

I had a really disturbing dream last night and it stuck with me because I haven't dreamed about anything in awhile. I told my grandparents that I rejected the cowardly idea of God. They didn't speak to me, they wouldn't even look in my direction. I was something ungodly and disgusting. The venom of their shunning was so much that I somehow wound up at the building where I met my counselor before our sessions ended. But she wasn't there. A man, another therapist, said that he would see me. He told me she, my former counselor, had contracted an illness that slowly eats away at her flesh and makes her insane.

I found her address. I didn't want to talk to him, I wanted her. Only she would understand this. Her house was in shambles and covered in ugly, brown vines. I saw her looking down at me from the attic window. I can't even describe what she looked like, but it was horrifying.

So that was just a little bit unsettling as fuck for a number of reasons.

Last week I sent an email to a cute girl I found on a tumblr page devoted to the few lesbians of Illinois. She was stunning. I sent it on an impulse, tired of fawning over Brittany constantly. I just wanted to take a chance. Her reply was only two sentences long and basically told me that she was taken so I'd better back off. I didn't respond. But that's alright, because I discovered her personal tumblr page and she looks completely different than the picture she posted where I found her. I had a hard time believing it was the same person. So whatever. There really is no way for me to meet any lesbians until college. Seriously.

I've become quite the athlete lately. I'll be starting my bowling league again in September. I'm taking golfing a bit more seriously now and I'm asking for my own set of clubs for Christmas. And I've started working out. My mom bought us memberships to the YMCA so now I'm exercising. It feels really good. Plus I wanna build up my arm and ab muscles so I'm not a pathetic stick in college. My legs are pretty fit though. I'm so lazy. This'll be great for me.

Well, my plan to swim with Brittany before school starts failed. She's busy preparing for college and stuff. School starts tomorrow. I'm excited. Time will become precious again and I'll have shit to do and friends to see. I just really really wanted to see Brittany in a bikini one more time. I'm at my dad's this weekend so that won't happen. Maybe we'll have a hot streak in September. I hope. It's been so hot here that I haven't had to mow the grass all summer. Our lawn is dead.

One final thing. My sister sent Brittany's brother a message on Facebook rather bluntly asking him if the rumors about him being bi are true. What the fuck. They've never even spoken before and she asks him a question like that? She's probably dashed any chance of them dating but I don't care about that. I care about him telling Brittany and then Brittany getting pissed. I don't think that's happened yet thankfully.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

That abuse statistic does have the whiff of bullshit about it.

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

The most helpful thing I

The most helpful thing I could find on the subject was this, and it states that abuse in lesbian relationships is just as common as in heterosexual ones. I would've thought that it would be less common. And the percentages were still alarmingly high...

http://www.musc.edu/vawprevention/lesbianrx/factsheet.shtml

This was published in the late nineties/early 2000's, so those numbers are probably off. Plus it implies that there is a butch in every lesbian relationship, which is a hilariously misinformed thing to say.

elph's picture

That "butch" idea... :(

infuriates me as well!

It's just one more of the faulty stereotypes of LGBts that has its origin in homophobia!

This closely parallels the (erroneous) idea that all acts of affection in a gay relationship require one who plays (or mimics) the God-assigned role of "male" and the other, the "female!"... irrespective of physical endowments!

Regrettably, this latter idea has become so pervasive that even some gays (sadly) are accepting this as being the only "respectable" way to play the game... :(

There is no "right" way that must be slavishly adhered to...

jeff's picture

Well...

I'm not sure it has its origin in homophobia, that was a real thing in gay relationships pre-Stonewall. Not to mention, some people still gravitate to those roles today.

Stone Butch Blues was pretty huge book documenting the butch-femme dynamic: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_Butch_Blues

If homophobia is the root, it was internalized homophobia to pattern heterosexual convention, but it seems invalid to deny it existed/exists just because people don't do it now.

I do realize this set off your anal alarms, of course. ;-)

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

That penultimate comment:

"If homophobia is the root, it was internalized homophobia to pattern heterosexual convention,

This'd be my guess as well. No disagreement!

"[b]ut it seems invalid to deny it existed/exists just because people don't do it now."

Who's denying it existed? Not me...

And..."people don't do it now" Whence?

The last sentence will be excused; I do acknowledge that you (hopefully) intended it to be humorous.

jeff's picture

Well...

Just not sure why a butch stereotype would be infuriating, since it was rooted in some truth, unlike say the gays are pedophiles stereotype.

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

It can be infuriating. Yeah,

It can be infuriating. Yeah, sure, a lot of lesbians are rather butch-y, but I've had friends who have said to me, harmlessly of course, "Jenna, you don't look like a lesbian."

These friends are open-minded and accepting, and even they can't escape the grip of certain stereotypes. It just goes to show how readily people use stereotypes as concrete, normal truth. And that can be irritating.

I also sometimes feel like butchy lesbians present themselves that way simply because they're gay and they feel a social obligation to do so, and I think that's just stupid. Because by conforming to a stereotype they also perpetuate it.

jeff's picture

Well...

Oddly enough, a lot of the stone butches are becoming trans men, so we've completely circled back around to traditional male/female roles. ;-)

I've known plenty of butch chicks who seemed pretty grounded and not the type who would do that if it wasn't how they desired to present.

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

Actually...

I'm not doubting you.