My first week of school is done already. I can already tell that senior year is gonna fly by even faster than junior year. Before I get into any usual shit, does anybody watch that MTV show Made? Because one of the dudes from the show, one of the "life coaches" or whatever, Jeff Yalden, is coming to our school to speak to us tomorrow. He's some big-shot motivational speaker who apparently reaches teens in a deep and profound way. I cracked up because in his video greeting our school, he's all, "I'm cool, I'm edgy, I tow the line."
Sounds like he tries way too hard, but whatever. Can't wait to hear what he has to say. If anything at least it'll kill an hour and a half.
This school year I've noticed that I have an even lower tolerance for the infinitely many douchefuckers and bitches, which is really damn low. I think I'm just really eager to graduate and get the hell out of here, so now I hate people even more because I'm sick of dealing with them. Okay, hate is a strong word. I actively dislike them. And to make matters worse, a lot of 'em are in my classes. Which is weird, because I managed to avoid them last year.
First hour is P.E. I don't like anybody accept my friend Anna, who talks too much and is somehow self-absorbed and insecure at the same time. Second hour is AP Stats. Don't like anybody in there either, have zero friends in there, and my passion of knowledge doesn't extend to math, so that's probably my least favorite class. But Stats is a good class to take for a psychology major, so.
Third hour is AP Lit. It should be tolerable. The people, I mean. At least the kids are more motivated. We'll be going super in-depth with novels, more than we did in AP Language last year, so that's awesome. We've started reading Atonement. If anybody's read it please tell me what you thought of it, 'cause I'm too early into it to form an opinion. Fourth hour is World Lit. The course material is going to be really fascinating, but oh my god the kids in that class. They're idiots. Seriously. All of the football/basketball stars and all the other douches are probably gonna slow us down and the teacher's gonna have to dumb everything down so they can understand shit. But I have my two friends Haylee and Katie there, so that compensates for the stupidity. And there are a handful of smart kiddos to hold us up.
See how negative I am this year towards other people? It's frightening. Also, I came out to my World Lit teacher for a get-to-know-you-better assignment. It was a really cool assignment. I think I'll post what I wrote here. My World Lit teacher is very...bubbly. Talkative, energetic. You know the type. I like her but if I'm really tired it gets annoying.
Fifth hour I have lunch, also with Haylee and Katie. And Judd. But he doesn't sit with us. He's really hurt me. We used to hang out all the time and we were really close, and now he'd rather be with his partying friends, the ones who smoke and drink with him every fucking day. Excuse me for not wanting to get fucked up every chance I get, but I like being sober. He barely talks to me. He comes over to our table to say hi and talk for like thirty seconds and that's it. We don't even go out to eat every Monday like we used to. I'm really sad about it. Judd was my bro. But if he wants to run around with mindless fucks who care about nothing but booze and pot, then fine. What the fuck ever.
Sixth hour is Genre Studies. I love love love love my teacher. She's so damn funny and she seems like the kind of teacher you could be friends with rather than just a nameless student. I came out to her in an icebreaker assignment too. I might post that as well sometime. The kids are...slow, but we'll be doing a shit ton of writing, so I don't care. Amber's best friend is in that class with me and it makes me feel awkward because I'm sure they've talked about me. But we were partnered together for a worksheet and she was super nice and she laughed at my jokes, so that was cool. She'd be really pretty if she didn't try so hard to be pretty.
Seventh hour. AP European History. Interesting stuff. Katie's in that class with me, and Victoria. She's the friend who abandoned me for her boyfriend. We have fun in that class but I'll never be close to her again. Eighth hour is AP U.S History and I have it with a bunch of sophomores. Y'know, when I was a sophomore I never understood why seniors hated us so much, but now I get it. Sophomores are so incredibly loud and obnoxious compared to seniors. I mean, even the more stupid and immature seniors don't talk during class that much. It really puts into perspective how much I've changed without even knowing it. Sophomores dress differently, carry themselves differently, act differently. It's like they're on the verge of maturity but not quite there yet. 'Tis a weird thing to see.
There are people I started talking to last year that I don't talk to this year. Friends I don't see at all anymore. What scares me is that I don't really care. I only have one close friend, one friend who I can really truly open up to, and that's Brittany. Everybody else is just for fun.
I unloaded my Judd problems on her after we talked about how much she was loving college, and then I apologized for dumping a bunch of angst and drama on her, and this was her response:
"No, no, no. I like that you tell me that sort of thing. Coming from someone like you, it shows that you feel relatively comfortable around me, which is awesome. I know I can talk to you as well, and thank you for being that kind of friend to me. It's refreshing!"
Someone like me. This can only mean that she sees how I close myself off from others, how I detach myself. I'm just really glad she appreciates my friendship. And I'm glad she's enjoying college and I just really hope that she finds what she's looking for. I love her dearly.