Any advice? :(

Ejdydo's picture

Hello everyone. I have got such a problem - but it is a bit embarrasing and I would like to get some advice. I don't want to be a gay (I'm not homophobic) - I just want to have a wife, kids, and all the other things that straight people can do (it is feeling inside of my heart, my brain) ... but my penis "tells to me" right opposite ... I get a boner seeing nice boys, or boys kissing each other - but only that "bad boy" down there likes it, but I don't ... I feel so stupid for this, and not stupid, I just don't like the idea of ever living in one house with man, having a sex with him ... problem is that the same thing, that happens when I see boy, doesn't happen when I see a girl (only my brain likes this look). I just can't imagine telling all my friends that I'm gay, to my family ... and not even to myself, cause I want to die with woman, with an old and beautiful woman :(

elph's picture

Can we say "massive conflict?"

I think that your penis is not lying to you...

However... I suspect (can't be anything more than that) that the culture in which you have grown up (you've provided no hint of how old you may be... high school... college?) has told you that being gay is wrong.

Many gay men do marry and even father children of their own (doing just what society has expected from them!). It's not a great life, but they make the best of it. The societal obligation for all males to marry (a woman) is now very rapidly (and thankfully) becoming an anachronism!

You say that you're not homophobic. I believe that... at least as far as other gays may be concerned. But, there is truly no nice way of saying it: you definitely are afflicted with internalized homophobia! I hope that given time and understanding you'll be able to accommodate both your libido (which says you're gay) and your intellect (which has yet to overcome what your culture has imparted).

Being gay is not something that is subject to a right/wrong dichotomy: it just is! In all probability it is innate and a product of (1) a genetic propensity and (2) the mother's hormonal balance during the latter stages of pregnancy. In other words, you were born that way!

Once you understand the etiology of your internal conflict, you're already half way to finding the solution.

Wishing you good luck and happiness...


Oh... I nearly forgot: Welcome to Oasis!"

oldfoxbob's picture

Agree with Elph

I must agree with the comments made by Elph...You have massive conflict going on. Your body says one thing while your mind says another. I suspect that it is because of how you were raised up. You fail to as Elph pointed out, state your age. If you're 13 or if you're 99. I suggest that you just go with what your heart says. Try the sex part with some one you can trust. Go slow, do not rush into it. That way you can at least say you have done the "experiment" ! Otherwise look at couples that are gay. You will find that there are many of them that have been together far longer than many Heterosexual couples. I my self had married, had three children, and after ten years, divorced. Now I have been with my male partner, married him ,and been together for over 23 years. So from that I can only say good luck with what ever you chose in life and with whom ever you chose to do it with. OFB

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

jeff's picture


I think the penis is telling the truth.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (