So, it just occurred to me how horribly socially inept I am. Like, oh my god, it's the most embarrassing thing ever. I can think of so many horribly awkward things I've done in the past week or so, and wow, I just want to crawl in a ditch. I have made a complete list of these recent failures below.
Exhibit A: You see, seniors don't go to study hall. We just have to go sit in the gym... It's better because you can talk and stuff and no one is breathing down your neck like in study hall, but it's so boring because none of my friends are in there. There's this other girl in there too, and I talk to her sometimes. Sometimes I help her do homework in classes I've already taken. We are just kind of acquaintances.
She was telling me about all these guys she's gone to Homecoming and Prom and stuff with, and one of them was this guy that almost every girl thinks is super hot. I could tell by her tone and expression that she expected me to be all jealous and impressed, but I just said, "Oh, I bet that was cool," all awkwardly because I mean, like, what am I supposed to say, "OMG LIKE I AM SO JEALOUS I WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES?" Because, like... Umm, no. So then there was this silence. I have a lot of awkward silences with her. I don't think she's quite learned how to talk to me yet, haha.
Exhibit B: Someone waved in my general direction, and I glanced over and assumed it was my friend because of the hair and waved back, even though I had no proof that it was her. I still don't know if it was actually her.
Exhibit C: Okay, so I don't go to school until 9 because I'm a senior who has first period free, but sometimes I still have to take my sister to school at 8. After that, I just waste time because I live too far away to go home and be back in time, and I don't want to go into school because I'll just be sitting alone in the hot, sweaty gym for an hour when I could be eating breakfast or sitting in my air-conditioned car with music instead. Even though it's established that I don't go to school until 9, whenever I go near my school, I put on my sunglasses even if it's cloudy out and refuse to look at anyone because I'm terrified they think I'm a bad student who skips every single day. I put on this pink jacket I found in the backseat whenever I go in anywhere so no one sees my uniform shirt for this very reason.
Exhibit D: This one is by far the worst. Like, I am still completely and utterly beyond mortified about this one. You're all probably going to laugh.
So, you know those fancy senior pictures where the guys wear tuxes, and the girls wear this weird backwards cape thing that looks like a nice dress when the picture is cropped? We had those, and we took them sort of in pairs or small groups. I had to take mine at the same time as IG, and we're actually friends again, so we went to go put those things on together. So, she was just talking to me all normally and stuff, but then she took off her shirt midsentence. I didn't know where I was supposed to look because honestly I think she is actually the only one of my friends who doesn't think the whole me being gay thing is a massive joke. But she has a history of being a little weird about it, so I panicked a little and kept thinking to myself that looking anywhere except her boobs would be socially acceptable.
But then, of course, the bathroom had a mirror, and I looked in the mirror without thinking, and bam, IG. Oops. I really, honestly did not mean to do that. I'm not attracted to her or anything. I mean, she's IG. I wasn't creepin'. I just didn't want to look at her boobs or have her see me being awkward because my sexual orientation is pretty thin ice with this chick, and because I'm an idiot, I looked in the mirror... I was honestly a little surprised she even went in there with me. It was basically the most awkward moment of my whole life ever. I felt legitimately bad.
Bonus Round: Today, I overheard the phrase "girl-on-girl action," so I turned around and said what.