Dude... I'm an idiot.

Super Duck's picture

So, it just occurred to me how horribly socially inept I am. Like, oh my god, it's the most embarrassing thing ever. I can think of so many horribly awkward things I've done in the past week or so, and wow, I just want to crawl in a ditch. I have made a complete list of these recent failures below.

Exhibit A: You see, seniors don't go to study hall. We just have to go sit in the gym... It's better because you can talk and stuff and no one is breathing down your neck like in study hall, but it's so boring because none of my friends are in there. There's this other girl in there too, and I talk to her sometimes. Sometimes I help her do homework in classes I've already taken. We are just kind of acquaintances.

She was telling me about all these guys she's gone to Homecoming and Prom and stuff with, and one of them was this guy that almost every girl thinks is super hot. I could tell by her tone and expression that she expected me to be all jealous and impressed, but I just said, "Oh, I bet that was cool," all awkwardly because I mean, like, what am I supposed to say, "OMG LIKE I AM SO JEALOUS I WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES?" Because, like... Umm, no. So then there was this silence. I have a lot of awkward silences with her. I don't think she's quite learned how to talk to me yet, haha.

Exhibit B: Someone waved in my general direction, and I glanced over and assumed it was my friend because of the hair and waved back, even though I had no proof that it was her. I still don't know if it was actually her.

Exhibit C: Okay, so I don't go to school until 9 because I'm a senior who has first period free, but sometimes I still have to take my sister to school at 8. After that, I just waste time because I live too far away to go home and be back in time, and I don't want to go into school because I'll just be sitting alone in the hot, sweaty gym for an hour when I could be eating breakfast or sitting in my air-conditioned car with music instead. Even though it's established that I don't go to school until 9, whenever I go near my school, I put on my sunglasses even if it's cloudy out and refuse to look at anyone because I'm terrified they think I'm a bad student who skips every single day. I put on this pink jacket I found in the backseat whenever I go in anywhere so no one sees my uniform shirt for this very reason.

Exhibit D: This one is by far the worst. Like, I am still completely and utterly beyond mortified about this one. You're all probably going to laugh.

So, you know those fancy senior pictures where the guys wear tuxes, and the girls wear this weird backwards cape thing that looks like a nice dress when the picture is cropped? We had those, and we took them sort of in pairs or small groups. I had to take mine at the same time as IG, and we're actually friends again, so we went to go put those things on together. So, she was just talking to me all normally and stuff, but then she took off her shirt midsentence. I didn't know where I was supposed to look because honestly I think she is actually the only one of my friends who doesn't think the whole me being gay thing is a massive joke. But she has a history of being a little weird about it, so I panicked a little and kept thinking to myself that looking anywhere except her boobs would be socially acceptable.

But then, of course, the bathroom had a mirror, and I looked in the mirror without thinking, and bam, IG. Oops. I really, honestly did not mean to do that. I'm not attracted to her or anything. I mean, she's IG. I wasn't creepin'. I just didn't want to look at her boobs or have her see me being awkward because my sexual orientation is pretty thin ice with this chick, and because I'm an idiot, I looked in the mirror... I was honestly a little surprised she even went in there with me. It was basically the most awkward moment of my whole life ever. I felt legitimately bad.

Bonus Round: Today, I overheard the phrase "girl-on-girl action," so I turned around and said what.



Bosemaster42's picture


If she went into the bathroom with you, knowing she was going to undress in front of you, were you supposed to run and hide? I'm willing to bet money if it was any other girl in there with her, she would have done the same damn thing. Simple curiosity is nothing to be ashamed of.
Re: Exibit A- Friends provide a comfort zone for discussion. You shouldn't view yourself as socially inept just because they weren't there. That's how you meet or get to know someone better when you don't have the social convenience of your regular friends.
Exibit B & C- Paranoia. Negative thoughts about yourself. See them. Understand what they are and let them go.

Super Duck's picture

Logically, I know that she

Logically, I know that she wouldn't have even gone in there with me in the first place if it was a problem, but because of where I live, I guess I'm just used to people being huge homophobes. Most people here would probably think she is totally insane for taking off her shirt alone with her gay friend.

I'm getting a little bit better about Exhibit C. I didn't wear any sunglasses today.

Bosemaster42's picture


Actually,there is quite a bit of homophobia down yonder. I spent time visiting a friend in Tennesee and heard enough to confirm that.

Super Duck's picture

What area of Tennessee? In

What area of Tennessee? In my experience, the Nashville area is decent (or at least decent compared to where I live) but the rural areas are totally horrible and are all the same whether you're in Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, etc. I'm only gonna live here for a few more months, but ugh, it's awful.

Bosemaster42's picture


I did wander outside of Memphis briefly, but most of my time was in the city. Great food. Wonderful street musicians and I attended a outdoor blues festival alongside the muddy Mississippi. The one thing that struck me was the black people were nicer to me than whites. White people incessantly would refer to me as 'Yankee', mostly men too. My response to them was ' What? I hate the Yankees'.

Super Duck's picture

Oh, Memphis. Yeah, that's

Oh, Memphis. Yeah, that's very near here, close enough to me for a day trip. Good food and blues music, but that's about all it has going for it! And yes, people down here LOVE calling any outsider a Yankee. The best part is the fact that I've lived here for almost 18 years and have, on a few occasions, been called that too despite not technically being an outsider! It was either because my mom is from Nashville (which is still SUPER in the south but the Mississippi people think the Tennessee people are Yankees) or because I've made a conscious effort ever since I was a little kid to speak with a neutral accent so I wouldn't get made fun of when I left here and now it's natural because I've been doing it for so long and they don't like that!

Bosemaster42's picture


Yeah, I did notice many people down there are still re-living the civil war.
Kind of pathetic actually, but I had to keep my mouth shut which aint easy. I mean I'm a pretty big guy, but I was heavily out-numbered and a lot of people I met down there were packing weapons. It was nice to see and visit down there, but I could never live there. Too damn humid, the land is so flat, at least in Memphis, and not enough Lakes or ponds.
The tap water is quite good though. I was told Memphis sits on top of one of the largest Artesian wells in the country. Another factor for not wanting to live there are the tornados. I love being outside during thunder & lightning storms, but not down there! I saw one developing out of an extremely low line of black clouds and apparently it touched down two counties over from where I was. What a head rush!

Super Duck's picture

Oh, yeah, tornadoes are

Oh, yeah, tornadoes are everywhere around here. Same with humidity. My hair and I hate humidity. It's not flat everywhere in Tennessee, but Memphis is basically connected to the flattest (and absolute worst) part of Mississippi, the Delta, so it's flat there too.

hellonwheels's picture

Tennessee and kentucky are the worst...

honestly would neve rlive there, ever....and tons of homophobes.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Super Duck's picture

I can't really comment on

I can't really comment on Kentucky because I've never really been there. I rode through there twice on the way to and from Columbus, Ohio a long time ago, but I can't really remember much about it.

Rural Tennessee is basically rural Mississippi which is basically the worst place in America.

jeff's picture


A) You can be impressed and empathetic because you know she's into him. Sort of like how nothing Dracofangxxx wrote about in her hot girl-on-girl action recently sounded like anything I would want to do, but I was happy and excited for her because I know it's something she wants to do. So, you don't have to want to bone some guy to be a good friend to girls (and guys) who want to bone some guy.

B) If it's her, it's nice. If it's not, it was random and fine. No worries.

C) Sounds perfect, who doesn't want to be Rizzo?

D) If you like the same sex, you don't want to sleep with every one of them. So, there's really no issue here. First, you're seeing her in her bra, which would be the same as seeing her in a bikini top if she were at a pool. You're adding mystery to this since she took a layer of clothing off. Sure, if she was all nips-out and you're looking at her, it might be weird. But a bra?! Oooh, you still know what her covered breasts look like?

If she has a problem with your sexual orientation, it is HER responsibility to not go into rooms with you and take off her clothes. It isn't your burden to be awkward in front of her because SHE has an issue. It's all her problem, so if she has an issue, she shouldn't start whipping out the girls like that.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Dracofangxxx's picture

Hey, thanks, Jeff!

I get happy for you, too ;) <3
That's redick!

Super Duck's picture

A) I mean, like I was happy

A) I mean, like I was happy for this girl, but she isn't really into him at all. She has another boyfriend now, and I legitimately like hearing stories about him. But this was like a bragging thing, I guess. I don't know. 

D) I don't know, I guess I just expected her to be weird about it because the default setting for people around here is really weird when it comes to interacting with gay people, and she had shown signs of being weird about gay people in the past, so it surprised me when she acted normal. I guess she turned out to be the least weird about it of all! (It's a little ironic because like 4 years ago she wouldn't go even near me in case I breathed "gay germs" on her, but now she clearly doesn't give a shit, haha.) But like the whole time I was scared the old version of IG would resurface and she'd say something, well, irritating.

hellonwheels's picture

SHelby got hot gog???

Where was I and why didn't I read this? lol

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Super Duck's picture

Yeah, it was in her most

Yeah, it was in her most recent journal!

elph's picture

The same Shelby...

...we all know and love?

Can't find it. :(

elph's picture


It is!