I don't know what's going on, but I've been sleeping way too much lately. I worry about everything, and today I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't event want to leave the house to go to the dairy. But at the same time I was really hungry, so I forced myself to leave the house and paced around the city for a while. I hardly got any work done. I have very little motivation for things, all I do is worry about what's next. I have so much work to do. I wish it was the holidays, all I want is to relax and hang out with friends, go for a run, and hang out with my boyfriend. But I know even that would be temporary. I've got the biggest year coming up, and I am scared. I don't know if I'll be able to make it through. I'm withdrawing from people. I keep taking up more things to do, as if it's some sort of sadistic auto priming for what's coming. My grades are suffering and I'm wondering about my future. I keep thinking I should've done certain things a certain way. I'm not always like this, but God I'm stuck, and can't snap out. Sometimes it's as if my body wants to stay stressed, because to stress is the only way to become less stressed, paradoxically. I feel like everything I do is pointless, that I'm proritising the wrong things, and in the end, I'm not even going to do a good job. I feel like people will only be out there to criticise. God I don't know. I just wish I could go back to the days of not having any real obligations. If anything I could've extended that for a few more years, but perhaps this is better, for that would've only been delaying what is coming. I guess I jumped into the deep end, because I feel I've lived a life of nothing, cruising through, and one day I'll find that I'm worth nothing because I have achieved nothing. Maybe that's why I'm taking on so much. Out of all this there's bound to be some meaning.