I didn't want to hurt you, baby, but you're pretty when you cry

swimmerguy's picture

So, watching 6 Feet Under all over, once again, like the 3rd time.
God, it's really so, kinda pathetic, I don't connect all that much to the people in my boring, same old same old life, but I actually feel so much more, from a fucking TV show.
Like I watched it once, felt nothing, didn't even like it much.
Watched it again, and this time I felt a little more, and even cried at the finale, where they have that beautiful ending montage.

And this time, I feel like I know the characters. I know they're just hypothetical, dramatic people dreamt up by a man named Alan Ball, but still, sometimes they seem more real than almost anyone at high school.
I mean, this time I've actually cried a number of times, at a fucking show. When Brenda's dad died, I cried. When the Fishers' dad dies at the beginning, I cried.

Now I just finished the 3rd season.

God, it's such a long show. But a great one.
See, they have hugely high highs and really low lows, but it seems like either way they fit in a fuck of a lot more life into their life than I ever have.
Like I literally do the same thing every single day.
I mean I try to inject a little adrenaline into school, but it's just not that exciting of a place. It's not terrible, don't get me wrong, but it's just a bit dull.
And with how early we get up, fuck, it's a wonder we all stay awake. Biology is my favorite class, cause of where I sit, both at the side of the room, facing towards everyone, and in the back, I get to survey a vast crowd of fairly attractive guys, and then I can fall asleep if what we're learning isn't too essential (science has always been where my best subjects are).

It seems like a lot of the reasons we do things, for example, why we have the technology we do, and how we use it, except for things like medical science and food security, most of the things we do and make aren't really to make life better, it's to make life easier.
Like, I go to school now, and sit there, for 7 hours. I hardly move.
And, if I didn't want to, I could ride the bus home, and then sit at home, and hardly move.
I ride my bike so much partly because it just drives me the fuck crazy.
I mean, aside from just how bad for you it is, how unnatural (bodies evolved to fucking MOVE), it's just dull, and I feel having at least like some tedious, repetitive manual labor job, would be better than having some tedious, repetitive office job, because office jobs, and how you sit around in them, it's depressing.
Like when we go to the Department of Licensing, to get my license and shit, you have to talk to the accountant receptionist people, who, don't get me wrong, are nice, but they're all, every one of them overweight. Most of them must just not have any time to exercise, and they spend the majority of their waking hours sitting in a single spot.
How fucking depressing can it get?

I'm sorry I'm being depressing now, because usually I feel good, I've been feeling good for the past while now, but now I'm not so much.
I guess it just happens.
Anyway, I need to get to some tedious, repetitive math exercises, wouldn't want to leave those waiting!
Night Oasies!


elph's picture

One more welcomed crack in the chrysalis… so appreciated!

When you are witness to something done with every emotion expressed with full dedication (e.g., art, drama, music)… it would be unnatural for you not to be moved to the shedding of silent tears.

It happens to me quite often. Of late, performances by Danielle de Niese (regrettably, only on DVD, large TV screen, great audio) don’t fail me: So beautiful, so dedicated to her art… I’m overcome with awe and admiration!

Those are tears of joy... and respect for someone who has made it her life to approach each performance to the maximum of human ability.

What I miss, however, is being able to share so few of these experiences…

Sharing is everything!

I can readily envisage how you must feel when your mind is permitted to wonder/wander to what “could be” when you spy (from your ideal classroom vantage point) that enchanting mystery boy across the room. How I wish you’d at least say to him, “Hello... friend? maybe?... can we do something together… possibly a leisurely bike ride/conversation... us together... into the wilderness…?”

Then… there are those other silent tears that come from sadness or disappointment… ☹

btw: Much appreciated the re-introduction of your salutation Night Oasies! :)


Thanks to Super Duck without whose inspiration (immediately below) we would likely have been denied this particularly insightful journal…

jeff's picture


Six Feet Under is pretty amazing stuff, and that ending was pretty powerful stuff. I watched it after finishing a season of Dexter, though, so that was a little weird. ;-)

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Bosemaster42's picture

It's not unusual,

To shed a tear or two when you become engrossed by a story. It's certainly a credit to the actors for their performance, as well as, the writing and direction. I was watching 'So you think you can Dance' the other night, and one of the top two males left 'Cheyon', pronounced 'Keyon' is absolutely amazing. He has literally come out of his shell while participating in the show. Watching the video of his progression and his story got me all choked up. His adoptive Mom was at the last two shows. I think he's kind of shy and incredibly humble. To watch him dance is nothing short of beautiful. His genre is ballet, but he has nailed everything they've thrown at him.
I have to agree with you on the comparison between Physical labor and working in an office. I now split my time between working out of an office doing administrative stuff and the more physical aspect of working in the warehouse. One of my hobbies is stone masonry, ie, building stone walls.
I can't get enough of it and would prefer it to what I do for pay.

jeff's picture


It's also not unusual to be loved by anyone.
It's also not unusual to have fun with anyone...

Oh, just sing it Tom!

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Bosemaster42's picture


I was laughing so hard I forgot to hit the reply button on my last post.

Bosemaster42's picture

HAH! Tom Jones,

Really Jeff! I'd rather drag my dick through a mile of broken glass than listen to him! Isn't he adored by older women?? Or maybe it's the rumor he's hung like a horse.

jeff's picture


I saw him at a festival, had to start walking away during What's New Pussycat, and two minutes later, Pearl Jam started. That was a weird night. But, no, I think he's great. I love that old school thing.

My view into Oasis is seeing all the comments posted across all journals on one screen, so I was prejudiced to think Tom Jones before I ever clicked through.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Tycoondashkid's picture

i forgot to ask

since you see all comments/journals etc posted do you see PM's? i know some sites *cough* dA *cough* that read everybodys PM's

jeff's picture


I have no ability to see anyone's PMs, log in as other users, etc.

I can post as other users, though, like when someone writes an article, I post it and set them as the author. But I don't think I could post a journal as someone else.

UPDATE: Looks like I can journal as someone else, heh.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Bosemaster42's picture


I think you'd give yourself away if you tried. That was an odd pairing of musicians. It reminds me of a concert I attended a few years ago. I went to the 'Palladium' in Worcester to see Ministry. The Palladium is right behind the Worcester Centrum, and was hosting 'Cher'. Talk about two ends of the music spectrum. Interesting crowds that night.

Bosemaster42's picture

I'm not begrudging

your affinity with him. I guess I'm prejudiced because certain female family members of mine would overplay his music and get all wet over him. I just wasn't into it. It was a funny comment regardless. Pearl Jam, on the other hand, is more my cup of tea. Love em. It's funny, when my hair was long I had people tell me I looked like Eddie Vedder. Then again, I've had others claim I look like the 'Toecutter'. One of the characters from the original 'Mad Max'. Not sure which one I like better.