I don't know, man. I just wanted to type about how much I hate stuff.

Super Duck's picture

The universe is kicking my ass right now... People are difficult creatures to deal with, as usual, and I'm worrying about this stupid Common App essay, and there's just bad shit.

I had a pretty good week at school last week, but this week isn't going so well so far. I know it's not that far into the week yet, but my dad told me this weekend that my grandpa has cancer in his throat. Understandably, things kind of went downhill for me after that. I think it was near his tonsils, but apparently removing the tonsils won't get it away completely, so he has to have chemo too. Fortunately, it was caught fairly quickly, but I'm worried because, quite frankly, he is old. He's 67, so it's not like he's in the best shape of his life to begin with. Why my grandpa, though? He is such a good, nice old man.

I don't have a very strong positive connection with most of my family, especially those on my dad's side, but my grandpa is the exception. A lot of them make me feel really unwelcome at like gatherings and stuff because they think I talk weird, and most of them hate my mother, which creates this weird tension because I look a lot like her. But my grandpa doesn't care about any of that. He had always really wanted a daughter but never had one, so imagine how thrilled he was in 1994 when he got a granddaughter! He even thinks it's great that I'm actually driven and motivated and am moving out of here in less than a year when other people such as my grandma only seek to criticize. He brags about it to every customer at his store. I want him to be around to see me graduate high school and college and come to my wedding and all that milestone stuff.

So, anyway, on a less-shitty-but-still-shitty note, I currently cannot stand my best friend. It's mean, I know, but she is so negative and domineering. And it's not every day, either. It's completely out of nowhere but on a semi-regular basis. On Monday, she was a horrible fucking bitch, but today she was her normal self. Last week, she practically snapped my head off and our other friend's head off because we sided with someone she doesn't like in an argument that didn't involve her! This is going to take a while to explain.

She just really is not a very good friend to me, I've noticed. She says IG is a horrible friend for daring to have other friends that she is usually with at school, but she can't come talk to me at school because if she does, then Best Friend will be there and get mad! I have to talk to IG only in secret... (I almost let it slip that I had talked to IG a whole lot recently, but a lot of it was basically about this, so I couldn't really say that because she'd ask what about like it's her damn business.) And IG doesn't try to dictate my every action or try to make me feel bad about being excited for basically anything ever. (How dare I have positive emotions, right?)

I think she should get the hell over her childish hatred of IG because both of her only friends like IG. She's been mad at her for like three weeks now because IG often speaks without thinking and accidentally made a dumb comment that she immediately regretted. It's like ancient fucking history now, though. Other Friend and I have been trying to tell Best Friend this ever since the day I reconciled with IG, but she is not having a single word of it.

When I had a problem with IG a few weeks ago, I confronted her about it like a mature human being! Yeah, me, Miss Anti-Conflict! And it turned out fine, and we became friends again. But no, that's too much work! Oh no, not responsibility! Anything but that!

I've kind of just let Best Friend walk all over me in varying degrees for 3 years, but I'm really tired of it now. It's just not okay anymore. I am my own person. You can't tell me I'm not allowed to talk to someone I've been friends with since 10th grade just because YOU don't like her. That's fucking bullshit right there. But honestly, it's not even really about IG. It's about the fact that Best Friend thinks she gets to dictate everything I do! Like... no! What the hell!?

I just don't like it because I feel obligated to be around Best Friend all the time at school, but she always prevents me from doing things I want to do. I would like to have more friends, but she makes it basically impossible because she hates everyone by default, and I just have social anxiety anyway, which does not help matters.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at my wit's end. I tried talking rationally to her a few times, but she just gets mad and blames IG for breathing or some shit like that.


Bosemaster42's picture

I hope your grandpa,

makes a full recovery. Sounds like a good man.
With regard to your best friend, you have no obligation to be around her all the time. I can't imagine not making a friend based on someone else's opinion. You shouldn't limit yourself like that. Perhaps your social anxiety will disappear if you make more friends. This person sounds a bit insecure.

Super Duck's picture

He really is. I hope he gets

He really is. I hope he gets better soon too.

I've actually improved a whole lot in the past few years, but her constant need to be around me makes things a little difficult. People tend to like me better than they like her because she automatically dismisses anyone she deems intellectually inferior... I don't really like that. She doesn't really have any other friends besides me and one other girl who is really more my friend than hers, but that's really her problem, I guess. A lot of the people she "hates" really aren't that horrible. I'm just not very happy with her right now for saying I can't have other friends too, especially if I was already friends with them for 2 years.

elph's picture

Wishing a great outcome...

...for your grandpa!

But... please... 67 these days is quite youthful... not old. He deserves better!

I know... all too well!

Super Duck's picture

Me too. :( I really hope he

Me too. :( I really hope he turns out okay. And I guess really 67 isn't totally ancient, now that I think about it.