Need help

kahough's picture

I hope someone is going to be able to help me. My girlfriend of 4 years has been talking about being polygamous. Now all of a sudden there is this girl. We have been letting her live with us so she can get away to a safe place. It seems that things have gotten better for her now, but she is still living here. Now last night my gf and I talked about the polygamy thing. So this is now happening. It turns out they have kind of been in a relationship for a couple of days before this. How do I share her? How do I come to understand why she wants this? This girl is already saying that she loves my gf. I really need to understand this so it doesn't hurt so much. Also, I guess this girl is moving in with us.


radiosilence95's picture

Well, that's really all a

Well, that's really all a matter of your personal preference. There are people out there who keep relationships open...I personally could never do that. I wouldn't want to share my girlfriend with anyone, really.

If this isn't something you're comfortable with, but it's something she really wants, it'd be nearly impossible to come to some kind of compromise. The monogamous and polygamous lifestyles are just too different to mingle, I'm afraid. The best I can offer you is to tell her your view of this, and ask yourself if this is something you can accept.

jeff's picture


I'm not sure how this qualifies as polyamory.

It sounds like an open relationship where you find out all the rules after the fact. Which, for your girlfriend, rocks.

These discussions are supposed to happen in advance, not when the potential third party is crashing on your couch, and your girlfriend wants to know if she can join you both in bed since she's already fucking her on the side anyway.

So, whether you're into polyamory or not, the biggest thing is that you need to discuss this stuff, and your girlfriend needs to use her tongue to forms words with you before it's off forming orgasms with others.

Otherwise, she won't have polyamory, she'll have monogamy and you'll be single. Your girlfriend talking about something is irrelevant unless there has been agreement...

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

kahough's picture

See we have talked about it

See we have talked about it several times. I just haven't been ready. I am not going to end up being single. My gf has told me that she doesn't think it is going to last with her. I just need to let it run its course. I just need to figure out how to cope.