september (baby bird)

angel syndrome's picture

fall is a nest of orange peels and sweater lint,
lined with cast-off newspaper and silly words :
"you are free, you are free, you are free."

fall is a nest of bad prescriptions and bad doctors,
sleeping zero or seventeen hours, woken by the nurse :
"you are free, you are free, you are free."

fall is a cage next to an open window,
filled with feathers and a baby bird's song :
"you are free, you are free, you are free."

Comments

Bosemaster42's picture

Nice,

I love the first stanza. Overall, very good!

angel syndrome's picture

Thank-you, i don't really

Thank-you, i don't really like it anymore

Bosemaster42's picture

Your welcome,

but why don't you like it anymore?

angel syndrome's picture

it isn't really good!

it isn't really good!

Bosemaster42's picture

Actually,

The first stanza is very good. The second stanza seems a little out of place. The third ties into the first. Based on the first and third stanza's I thought it was very good. I've read much worse poetry, but ultimately it's up to the reader. I've written many poems and 'my' favorites are never what other people choose as theirs. In fact, the best poem I ever wrote,in my opinion, didn't seem to be appreciated the way I thought it would be. You just never know what others are perceiving, I guess.

poetic_star's picture

wonderful

This is truly beautiful and creative. I love the lines "fall is a nest of orange peels and sweater lint," and "fall is a nest of bad prescriptions and bad doctors,"

lonewolf678's picture

Ek soos,

the first and third stanzas are very nice. :-)

angel syndrome's picture

oh gosh thanks everyone, i

oh gosh thanks everyone, i wrote this in the train the morning i posted it and i liked it but it should really be re-worked.

i don't like to re-work things though so it'll stay as-is but thank you!