Cloud Prayer Mary, Come On Already

swimmerguy's picture

I'm going to be hosting an Austrian student for about 2 weeks in a couple here. From the 18th to the 30th, this month, I'll have some Austrian guy at my disposal, and I don't know much about him, but I chose him cause he looked sorta cute, and his profile I got to choose from said he especially likes soccer and ultimate, and I just happen to be on a soccer team, and an ultimate team.
I hope we'll get along.
(Oh, and that spend a year in Germany program I mentioned last year, I'm going to look into it this year, and if I can, I definitely definitely definitely want to apply this year, for reasons I shall mention sometime).

Part of the reason I'm so excited to have this Austrian guy is all my friends have been super lame recently. (If you're reading this Shelbs, not you, although we should totally hang out. I can drive myself now, and my weekends are basically all the way open, so it'll be easy to get together)
Like my good friend Mexican, it really really sucked, on Friday he made plans with me and another kid I'll call Asian (how multicultural my friends are!) to go to this guy's house called Republican Gamer for a few hours, then come hang out with us.
He told me he didn't really wanna go to Republican Gamer's house, but then when Friday came, he left without saying anything, and wouldn't text back when I texted him till 4 hours after we were supposed to meet.
And when he did he said like I thought I made it pretty clear I was staying at RG's house and I was like Umh, usually, by making plans and then not changing them, the general assumption is to follow them. It was clear you were staying at his house by the time it was 3,4 hours after we were supposed to meet, and you didn't even fucking text me... Honestly, I waited around for our meeting for a few hours on this beautiful day that I would have spent doing something else had I known you'd changed your mind.

Honestly, I'm still really really pissed at him.
And not just that, all of my friends have been ditching out on me at every single opportunity, every single date I make, gets shat upon later.
Do I just suck or something? See, I don't even know.

But what's going to be awesome for 2 weeks is, I'm going to have an Austrian, and assuming I get along with Helmut, his name, it's going to be really easy to hang out with him.
If I'm going to do something like go hiking in the gulch or playing racquetball, or frisbee, or going on the Ferry, my other friends can decide between doing that with me, or doing something else.
And even if they don't really care, they have to go to the energy to break out of their apathy and actually leave their houses and meet with me.
With the Austrian, he's gonna wanna do stuff while he's in America, and he's going to have the choice of either coming with me when I go somewhere, or staying at my house and doing nothing.
So I might finally have someone to go to Value Village with me, and sit on the beach at night, and go hiking in the gulch!
Honestly, it feels really pathetic and lonely to do all those things by myself because either my friends are lame or they just don't like me, I'm not quite sure.

Woot. I'm so fucking excited.
But of course, there's still almost 2 weeks to be gotten through.
Fuck me.

Holy shit, I still need to read the entire Scarlet Letter. Honestly, what a fucking pretentious, stupid, prudish, restrictive, and just plain tedious book could someone even consider writing...
I'll have to Wikipedia it real quick.
Goodnight Oasies.


Dracofangxxx's picture

Dude that's exactly how I always feel

You and Katy and a few other friends always make plans with me, then it's like 10 minutes until you're supposed to be there and I haven't heard a word from you, so I text you, and you're like "oh I forgot I'm doing something with x right now" or "I madep lans with y and forgot about you sorry"

so I figured most of you guys don't like me and I stopped trying. Woo.
That's redick!

elph's picture

Don't stop trying...

But... I know so well how tempting for you that thought must be! :(

hellonwheels's picture

the scarlet letter....summed up quickly.

She gets knocked up out of wedlock. Priest is involved. community gets involved, she is branded an adulterer, her child the spawn of the devil, and shit gets real hard from then on out. I would recommend the cliffsnotes if you don't want to read that entire literary POS before the due date.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

jeff's picture

Seems implausible...

That a book is still being read 162 years after its publication because it sucks...

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

swimmerguy's picture

In fairness

We still read To Kill a Mockingbird 50 years after the fact, despite the fact that it's not that good.
I mean, it's not terrible, but it hardly qualifies as a masterpiece.
I mean, honestly, the theme of the book is Racism is Bad, which, though it might have been interesting to hear 50 years ago, today it doesn't come as much of a shocker.
But, much worse, how does Harper Lee decide to deliver that message through the vehicle of fiction? She has a great guy, a lawyer, who is fantastic and amazing and intelligent in every single way imaginable (except of course, he's a lawyer), and his children who are also great and amazingly smart and fantastic, versus a filthy, grungy, disgusting in any way you can imagine obviously antagonistic "man", who is very racist.
And in the end, the filthy disgusting racist man dies after trying to murder some children, and the fantastic awesome man and his fantastic awesome intelligent children just live happily ever after.
It has zero subtlety.

And about The Scarlet Letter, I mean, honestly, did you hear about the scene where a comet in the sky makes an "A"?

Honestly, this book might have been exciting 150 years ago, or whenever this was written, when getting a new frock coat was considered so fucking exciting it gave people heart palpitations, and yet today, it just drags on as perhaps one of the most tedious potential-doorstops I've ever laid eyes on.

jeff's picture


The context of when the book was released plays a role in reading it. I mean, you can just think "Oh, gee, racism is bad. Thanks." or you can try and imagine a time when the simplistic words you are reading now were controversial, the view you have didn't exist, the morons with their backwards views were the majority, and the author was making a case for the society in which you now live.

I try and read a lot of classics, and each one is different. But there shouldn't be an expectation that it is a classic because it still engages a modern audience on its own terms. But rather because it is a time machine that enables a modern audience to actually experience everyday life and thought of a different age. Sure, society changed since they were written, but you can actually still go back and live in that time for a few hours and wonder about a time when people were as excited to get a new frock coat as they were an iPhone 5. Or when people saw some figure in the sky and assumed it was a message from God.

Not to mention, and I did learn this the hard way and well after the fact, these books don't torture us in high school and college. We torture ourselves. We set expectations for them to be boring and awful, and then read every line meeting that expectation. Most of those books are rather small and you could probably bang it out in two to three hours and be done with it. Or you could read every page slowly, think how slow it is and how dumb the people are and how obvious the message is... and you have a worse time AND it takes much longer. Again, I learned this when I read all the classics I rejected reading in high school and college and read them for pleasure as an adult.

Look at it this way, if you try to get something out of it, you risk nothing but run the chance of enjoying yourself. And, if you have to read them anyway, isn't that the only logical path?

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

Bosemaster42's picture


While I wasn't a huge fan of reading the 'classics' in school, the relevance to today's society is definitely still in play. I actually enjoyed reading ' To Kill A Mockingbird' for the inherent message's it imparts, which are still quite valid. The Theme is not just racism is bad. The theme is actually about tolerance and acceptance. There's also the element of the loss of innocence with regard to Jeb and Scout.
If you approach anything negatively or without an open mind, guess what happens? You almost always have a negative experience because you've already decided 'in your mind' that this is going to suck. Quit your whining and read it without any pre-conceived notions.

swimmerguy's picture

Okay, okay

You possibly have a point.
Partly, I mean, it is the English classes that kinda suck all the fun out of reading. Like in Lord of the Flies, I read that book in like 8th grade and I thought it was pretty good, if just a bit dull.
But when we read it in class last year, it dragged on so much more. Everything was a symbol. Sure, I get it, the conch is a symbol, its decay is the decay of society. Sure, the Lord of the Flies is the fear that leads to barbarism.
But it would happen in class that the teacher would point out Here, as Simon's walking into the forest, Golding mentions so many colors, like pink here and green here as if that's supposed to be some sort of symbol, rather than just descriptive writing (color is a big property of the way things look, so it makes sense that in describing things you mention a lot of color, rather than it actually meaning something on a deep scale.)

So, maybe I'm being unfair, because reading these things in class kinda leaches any excitement they might have had.
I could kinda get how the Scarlet Letter could be interesting if read in the context of its historical period, and its observations could be interesting, if Hawthorne did have a tendency to ramble on just a bit.
And I really did enjoy Homer's Odyssey in freshman year.

But I'm still not sure about To Kill a Mockingbird. Sure, it's not anywhere near as bad as Peace Like A River, the WORST book I may have ever read, who's sole point is God exists.
But still, about To Kill a Mockingbird, sure, its message may have been more innovative in 1960 New York when it was written, but not as innovative as 1930's Alabama when it's set.
I couldn't call it a bad book, but it seems like its status as hallowed icon seems a bit inflated, because it reminds me of that Clive Cussler character, Dirk Pitt, basically Mr. Perfect with no personality.
I'm not criticizing the message of the book, but it delivers it through basically giving a dichotomy of a filthy and totally abhorrent racist man, and an upright and virtuous not-racist man.
There was an actual Gandhi in history, but only one. So to write books so your point is demonstrated by nothing more than some perfect guy versus a filthy guy, just seems like a bit of a straw man case. I have no doubt that some racists considered morality to be of the highest importance, while some dumb, insipid people aren't racist cause they just never thought about it.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Don't forget...

Nut brown grass = Nazis.

Gotta love ol' Cos.
That's redick!

elph's picture

Whence this?

However, many fine things can be said for UK's Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale!

Bosemaster42's picture

I will agree with you,

regarding reading or going over what you've already read in class. Admittedly, it is tedious. I'm sure most students do comprehend what they read, however, some may not. Which is likely the reason the teacher is going over it.
> I tried lobbying once for my English teacher to throw in something current. I loved reading Stephen King's novels and suggested we do a report on one. It was quickly rejected. Fictional writers and stories don't get the literary respect they deserve, in my opinion of course.
> Your rant was pretty funny though, I have to admit.
> You'd be surprised how many people are similiar to the racist character,even today, and plenty more who are subtle racists.
Which is why I think this story still has merit.

elph's picture

A bit generous, I fear

"I'm sure most students do comprehend what they read..."

Sadly... I suspect this may not be true for today's students enrolled in a required HS English literature course. Much more likely, however, if the course is elective and AP.

Bosemaster42's picture

You may be right,

which is why I said some won't. I can see how most people today would have trouble reading anything in old English, ie, shakespeare.

elph's picture

Acquiescence came a bit too easily?

I was just expressing my suspicion based on the way I remember high school in a lifetime much-too-long ago. You know... I could be mistaken. Just not sure!

jeff's picture


Is that what the kids call it these days?

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

Bosemaster42's picture


Das ist verboten?

elph's picture


swimmerguy some credit! :)

swimmerguy's picture


elph's picture

He's just got to be...

Helmut will be 'all boy'... right?

This should prove to be an event-filled and very enjoyable two weeks for both.

I'm so envious...

jeff's picture

Bitch, please...

You already said you chose him because he was cute.

You just don't know if he likes the cock.

Add him on Facebook.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (