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angel syndrome's picture

For the past two or three days I have been trying to be kind, undoubtedly and indefinitely. Trying, really, to be giving simply because I can and to expect nothing in return. I've always felt like there were so many of me inside this body but none of them that I was really able to like, but through kindness and empathy towards other people I'm starting to feel as though it may be possible.

(It sounds really dumb but I've been trying not to think ill things about myself and it actually ended up working for a full day?)

On a personal level, things are going well in this sense. I've had a lot of important realizations about myself and the kind of person I want to be, and this is good because I'm getting some sense of direction.

I'm still very unsure about what to do in terms of my 'romantic relationship', however. I like him a lot without being sure why and I can name several reasons why I shouldn't like him off the top of my head: he's mischievous, none of the money makes is earned legally (or ethically), he can be downright arrogant and disrespectful at times. He does, however, make me see the world in a better way and inspires me to be a better person and he truly cares for me. It's unfair to like someone only for the parts that are easy to like, and I've got a lot to learn from the world.

Things are good, I'm having some trouble really focusing on school due to my schedule (only two, very long days a week), but I'm confident I'll manage to do well.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Although most relationships end up not being long-term, that is still usually the criteria when entering them. I've had friends and family members marry people who were a little lazy and didn't like to clean, and years later, it is what ends up being a main reason for their divorce, etc.

So, I don't know that you should see his drug dealing as a challenge you need to overcome. But for a friendship, casual thing, then it should be OK. It is a choice he made, so he can just as easily unmake it. Although, the longer people make easy money, the harder normal earning becomes (since it usually pays WAY less, heh)

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

angel syndrome's picture

Honestly he's broke as fuck,

Honestly he's broke as fuck, the drug dealing is just a side effect of the people he hangs around with and the scene he's a part of.

He'd probably make more money with a part-time job... Although it would be more time consuming.

Bosemaster42's picture

Fantastic!

It's good your doing well. There's a lot to be said for the power of positive thinking. Dwelling on negatives tends to snowball into depressive states, which serve no useful purpose.
Take your time with your romantic interest. It's not unfair to like him for those reasons. The things you don't like about him are legitimate. Follow your heart.

angel syndrome's picture

Thank-you!

Thank-you!