Opiate, 2

angel syndrome's picture

They can't keep them clean, them angels and them crack pipes and them piss stains mistaken for halos. Look how them wings grow brittle, look how them robes are torn.

(☆ user page: link to a video of my friend and i spending a day in the cemetery - not the one i wrote of here. i seem to be spending a lot of time in places like those, i am in love with the calm. i am also in love with my cape which she is wearing.)


anarchist's picture

You kind of make me wish I had friends.

I probably already said this. I'm so lonely. Lonely, lonely, lonely.

But I just hate trying to make friends. People who think the same as I do pretty much don't exist. I envy you.

Fuck, I'm not supposed to put depressing comments on upbeat journals. Sorry if I made your good mood go away.

jeff's picture


"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

I know loneliness... much too well.

And I know how it hurts... hurts... hurts!

I didn't know the "correct" solution then... any better than I do now!

All I can offer is a possible suggestion: Play "their" game (without compromising your basic ability to distinguish right from wrong).

There are even a number of potential cyber friends here on Oasis (you must know who they are... but also acknowledge that meeting here is not at all a sub for face-to-face relations --- no double entendre intended!).

I am sure that you have many qualities "to like" --- I "think" I can "see" some: Just let others see them... but, in doing so, refrain from gratuitously announcing that they're all douche bags. This does not give you high marks for achieving your objective: friends!

Unless you fantasize about living on the furtive edges of gay society: serial hook-ups with anonymous social non-entities (as suggested by commercial gay porn) --- you'll have to exercise patience and intelligent judgment. Become a leader in your school's GSA, engage with other youths in community projects, run for an important class office, participate in organized youth activities (e.g., soccer, swimming, baseball, gymnastics...)!

anarchist's picture


That part about gay porn. Hilarious! I would never actually believe anything from pornography is at all like real life. I always watch it so critically, and while I'm fapping to it the entire time I'm just thinking "this can not actually be expected to be taken seriously, oh my god."

I hate organized youth activities. It's so... social. I wish I could just turn myself into a pink fluffy cloud of constant ecstasy, so I'd never feel another negative sensation or emotion ever again. Unfortunately transhumanism doesn't exist yet.

Let's not turn this into my journal again, though.

Bosemaster42's picture

So True,

Angel and beautifully said.
Anarchist- You can have friends if you put forth the effort. A friend isn't necessarily someone who thinks exactly like the way you do. I have friends I don't 'always' agree with, it makes for better conversation and allows you to understand differing points of view. Envy is a false emotion.

anarchist's picture

Yeah, but

the current "friends" I have are mostly very conservative jerks who aren't even friends. The only ones who actually have common interests with me are stoners, and for some reason they all hate me.

There are only two exceptions, but I never see them anymore.

Bosemaster42's picture

Why do they hate you?

Maybe your perception of how they feel about you is off base. Most stoners are pretty friendly. Unless, of course, you demean them based on what they choose to smoke or whatever.

anarchist's picture

I never say anything bad about cannabis to them.

I just don't get along with them at all. I don't know why. I actually tend to get along better with the more conservative people, even though our beliefs are completely different. Nobody really likes me that well, though. At least not well enough to be my friend.

elph's picture

You keep "harping" on this issue:

"Nobody really likes me..."

How do you know this?

But... proceeding just a bit further, you said:

"The only ones who actually have common interests with me are stoners..."

Curious I am: What are those "common interests?" Is it just coincidental that these interests (whatever) are shared only with "stoners"?

Is it possible that you'd like to join them... at least to the extent that inhibitions could be dispensed with?

anarchist's picture

The stoners are the radicals like me.

The rest are either conservative or not liberal enough. Or libertarian, but that's a form of conservatism.

And I know that nobody likes me very much because they tell me so all the time.

angel syndrome's picture

Hey, first of all, I'm sorry

Hey, first of all, I'm sorry for a prior comment on your journal where I was rude to you directly, it was unkind and uncalled for.

I can count my real friends on one hand and have some fingers left over, and a lot of my current social circle has been from going to raves and partying. I'm not embarrassed to say, even, that some of my "rave friends" have a relationship purely based on that environment, on the drugs, and on electronic music. I have a great time with them while I'm there, and that's what matters.

Nowadays, I enjoy solitude just as much as being with people. I think the key is just to try, as much as possible, to simply "be" rather than "wanting to be". I'm sorry this isn't great advice.

This isn't a particularly happy journal, other than wanting to share the video. Don't worry about it.

elph's picture

That video...

...and "biographical" information does not represent who you are!

Pretending that it does so only exacerbates negative feelings of self. It doesn't even qualify as modern art!

You're so much better! Let us se who you are... or better, who you wish to become!

You know that you possess the talent and the necessary wherewithal!

angel syndrome's picture

That video is of my best

That video is of my best friend just running around, we've known each other since we're twelve. It represents the kinds of things we do and have done together every once in a while - sneaking onto rooftops, going to kids parks, hanging out in alleys and generally finding beautiful places. So yeah, I'd say it's pretty biographical, even if I'm not in it, or if it's morbid.

As for my user page, the first is Chuck Palahniuk which does represent the constant choice and struggle life and death have been for me, and the rap excerpt with japanese translation is meant to be contrapuntal. I'm also a huge fan of instrumental hip-hop, if that helps.

I don't care if it "even" qualifies as modern art, they're snippets of my life, my likes, my dislikes. It is not a question of being "better" or "worse", it's, again, my life and I am completely free to define it and express it the way I want to. Bold text won't change that.

elph's picture

Thank you for elaborating!

I accept that... although I must admit to more than a little sadness.

But, I still feel there's a much better future for you (and, hopefully, friends) lying in wait.

NB: Sorry about the bolding; it's now gone into the ether (that one underline, however, remains)!