Second journal today shall remain untitled.

anarchist's picture

Sometimes I do sort of still want a boyfriend. A small percentage of the time, when I have nothing else to occupy my mind, but still. But there are no openly gay people my age in the area. The closest to my age I know of is some disgustingly feminine guy who, according to what my sister's told me of him (even though she was his friend), he sounds extremely ignorant and annoying.

And there's no way I'm actually going to other people and actually talking about this. Fuck no. I don't like talking about personal things. Literally the only thing I ever talk to other people about is extremely offensive humor.

But for the most part, I'm fine. I've already mostly accepted being single forever. I don't think I'd really enjoy a boyfriend too much, anyway. I feel like I'd get tired of a relationship really fast, so it isn't worth the trouble of finding this mythical perfect gay guy my age, in my area. And even if I did, I have no time.

So I'm pretty good here. I'm still happy; this isn't something that's really bothering me or anything. Just something I felt worthy of writing here.

Comments

elph's picture

Today's your First Anniversary... No?

Happy First Anniversary on Oasis!

Of course, this includes your initial stint as socialist!

****

However, some mild(?) criticism is warranted:

Don't be so restrictive in finding meaningful friendships... unless, of course you're totally fantasizing on "I wonder if another's hand might elevate me to even greater heights?"

Try to develop friends that share your other interests: music, wide international travel, languages, computer gaming, philosophy, politics... and probably much more!

In time (give it at least a year... you do have "survival" devices at hand?), if you're willing to become incrementally a bit less guarded on emotional issues, you'll very likely discover that some of your new friends will pleasantly surprise you!

If you're bemoaning the fact that none of the boys that currently provide you with those remote nightly fantasies is (obviously) gay... you're truly missing out: You've got to play the game according to their (admittedly, unwritten) rules, not yours (i.e., immediate intimacy)!

****

Just an aside: I'm quite confident that you're not oblivious to the fact that your near-identical "symptoms" seem to be shared --- but nowhere near totally --- with at least one other Oasie (but one lacking your propensity to brashness and irreverent outbursts).

****

Good hunting... and do something special on this your anniversary day!

anarchist's picture

There's one thing you didn't consider. . .

"If you're bemoaning the fact that none of the boys that currently provide you with those remote nightly fantasies is (obviously) gay..." [sic]

The thing is, the reason that's true is because these assumed individuals don't exist. There are no boys WHO currently provide me with those remote nightly fantasies. At least none who I know. The only guys at the school who look good are not at all attractive to me because they're such fucking assholes. In the entire time I've lived here, Brad has been the only exception. But I no longer have any interest in him (especially since I never even see him).

Watch your argument collapse and die! Hahaha!

elph's picture

Why the [sic]?

Was there a spelling error? I do not claim omnipotence!

Anyway... you're just being argumentative. You've got to give a little and accept most (maybe, not all) of your peers as they are.

I cannot imagine any 15-year-old boy who is not attractive... maybe physically... maybe mentally! Just open your eyes!

Bluntly: What gives you the right to be so critical? Just the fact that you've been fortunate to experience so many contrasting cultural environments?

Show a modicum of reasonableness and you'll be much happier!

****

btw: I'm serious!

anarchist's picture

Then it's been a while since you've been around 15-year-olds.

My high school has the most disgusting, hideous people I have ever seen. And most of them are also annoying, if not hateful and douchey.

elph's picture

And... how do you imagine...

they view you?

btw: With your world-wide experience, where do you feel the most desirable ones (i.e., boys) exist? A guess... or, from actual experience? :)

anarchist's picture

From my experience,

all teenagers are ugly. Everywhere. Except Sweden, because Sweden is Heaven. Atheist Heaven, at least. Everybody looks fucking perfect there and it pisses me off.

elph's picture

Would you be interested...

in seeing what Norway and Denmark have to offer?

anarchist's picture

Norway has Dendrophilian.

And that is enough to convince me that the center of all awesomeness in the universe is in Norway.
But Sweden has hot guys.

anarchist's picture

I was just laying on my floor and thinking,

and I remembered about this comment you wrote. What did you mean by "something special"? Was this implicit, or just s general suggestion?

anarchist's picture

I was just laying on my floor and thinking,

and I remembered about this comment you wrote. What did you mean by "something special"? Was this implicit, or just s general suggestion?

Bosemaster42's picture

Eventually,

your attitude towards relationships will change. It is very difficult to establish something meaningful while in high school, unless your completely out and open perhaps. Therein lies the hard part. I've had a few relationships that were essentially 'friends with benefits' which were nice, but didn't last. It's just nice to have someone you can talk to without having to look over your shoulder all the time.