So... We talked.

MacAvity's picture

We're just going to stay the way we were before.
At least, as close as we can to the way we were before. I hope it's exactly like we were before. Hope things haven't gotten awkward, or at least won't stay awkward. We both really, really hope that.

Everything we said last night was true. It just doesn't lead in the same direction by day as it does at one in the morning when she hasn't had her pill. Still not sure if it was the midnight weirdness or the not-taking-the-meds or what. Somehow that doesn't seem to make it less real.

I don't know. I don't regret what happened last night - except I do, 'cause it seems like it might be making things awkward. I'm not disappointed that we're not - except I am, sort of, 'cause I sort of wanted more, except not, 'cause the idea of more was just as terrifying as it was appealing.

It's better this way. If 'this way' is how it was before. I hope.

Hell who knows. I sure don't.

When we can share a bed and cuddle again, I'll be happy. Sleepover tonight is off. She says she has too much work to do. I hope that's really the reason. It probably is.

We'll see.


radiosilence95's picture

Hey, it happens. Friends

Hey, it happens. Friends exchange smooches all the time out of curiosity and nothing more. I'm sure you two will stay close and the awkwardness, if it even exists (it may just be in your head), will fade with time. I see no reason that you two wouldn't be able to go back to the way you were.

MacAvity's picture


I think we're already back to normal, or nearly so. All is good.
Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting.

Disappearing again now...

jeff's picture


The thing that stood out in the first journal was that you said there is no passion between you. That seems essential, no? You can't just work on paper, and it makes sense. It seems like you need that extra spark pulling you together, which sounds like the passion.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

MacAvity's picture


I think affection without desire would probably work, but with us it's mostly just that we love each other, and that's more the basis for a beautiful friendship. It's all good.
Thanks for reading; it means a lot to me.