Sometimes,

angel syndrome's picture

it's so difficult sometimes to try being happy because habits are difficult to manage and get rid of.

self-hating patterns
not-eating
staying quiet
hiding your knees
considering how lonely everything is
contemplating dying, ect.

It's difficult because these are "safe" habits for me and truly appreciating things is new.

At the same time I've always told people that all I've ever wanted is to be okay and I'm starting to feel that way.

It's hard too because I feel like I have so much to say yet no one to tell.

I suppose I'll just drink some tea and read Norwegian Wood until I fall asleep.

Comments

Bosemaster42's picture

You are welcome to say anything.

It's good your starting to feel okay and better about yourself. I have to disagree about what you refer to as safe habits. Self-hate is a trick of the mind, conflicting thoughts etc. They will attempt to steal your attention and keep you in a state of psychic slumber. We are all our own biggest critic, but the good news is, you don't have to surrender to these self-defeating thoughts.
Not-eating, deliberately simply isn't good for you and can adversely affect the way you feel.
If you have something to say you should say it.
Hiding your knees? You'll have to explain this one.
The last two are conditions we have little or no control of, although we all think about them.

Dracofangxxx's picture

you know I'm always here bbz <3

-
That's redick!

elph's picture

Well...

I used to be here.

But... somehow... listening started to become difficult... then, tedious. :)

I'd love to start over!

angel syndrome's picture

thank you everyone

thank you everyone

Bosemaster42's picture

Your welcome,

You didn't explain about the habit of hiding your knees and why. I'm just curious because I don't think I've ever known a guy who was self-conscious about his knees. My shins are pretty scarred-up and not exactly pretty, but I don't really give a shit. I'll wear shorts until the cold settles in up here.

angel syndrome's picture

I meant holding my knees I

I meant holding my knees I wrote this late at night
Sorry

Bosemaster42's picture

Oh, okay.

No worries, it just struck me as kind of funny.