11/23/2012

Super Duck's picture

I have to visit family for the holiday. I have been at my grandparents' house most of the time. More on that in a minute. I hated staying there when I was 5, and I hate it even more at 18. I have years' worth of horrible childhood memories involving my mom dragging me all the way here, then leaving me to be bored at the house for days while she went out. I did not throw very many fits when I was little, but nothing would set me off quite like being loaded up in the car to come here! I hated it like you wouldn't even believe, but could you blame me? My grandpa isn't so bad, but my grandma is naggy and super negative and almost completely insufferable. 

But this week, I learned something that changed my entire perception of all those bad times I had here. I used to think my mom would make me go on these trips and stay in that horrible place because she was just being mean or something. (Although now, looking back, why did I think that? She would be punishing herself too. I don't know, I was only little.) But she told me that the reason we had to stay there every time is because my dad "didn't feel like" paying for a hotel room and would rather just be miserable for free instead! I don't know about you, but I think a soft bed, TV and Internet access, and not getting bitched at over everything in the world all the time is completely worth the money. Even though my dad is no longer a factor, we still had to stay there this time because my mom didn't have enough money with her for a good hotel.

I slept on a lumpy bed with dusty pillows for most of the week, which irritated my sinuses really badly. I got bitched at for taking a 20-minute shower. (Well, excuuuuse me for having to wash my hair AND shave my legs.) And then there was the nagging. So, so much nagging. And I didn't even get the worst of it, either. I can't believe it took me 18 years, but I was finally able to pick up on the fact that my mom and her mom don't exactly have a good relationship. In fact, they kind of hate each other. All these realizations have, like, fundamentally changed my perception of all those bad childhood memories...

My mom's boyfriend was sick so he couldn't come on the trip too, but he got us a hotel room eventually because it was too unbearable there.

I did go on a nice little shopping spree, though. That was fun. And there are so many hot girls in this city, which is always nice. Eye candy is so nice. There isn't enough where I live. Hot girl withdrawal syndrome is real.

It was weird seeing some of my cousins. For example, I have this younger cousin who is about 13. It was weird seeing him now because I remember when he was just a baby. Like, I don't see him often, so that's really how I remember him. I remember him being a baby, but now he is about as tall as me and is starting to have a deep voice! What the heck?! I used to try to get him to play Pokemon with me, but he was a baby so he couldn't, haha.

My cousin who is closest to my age brought his girlfriend, who was very nice... and not to mention cute, haha! I was quite impressed, even though seeing someone as goofy as him with a girl was strange. I haven't seen my cousin in like a year, even though I usually visit him a lot. I just haven't had the time for the 5-hour trip lately, though. Maybe next time the whole family meets up again, I will get to bring a cute girl too. I would like that a lot, even if the odds of that happening aren't very strongly in my favor.

Speaking of cute girls, did I tell you guys what happened to me recently? It was very cold in the auditorium at school, and the girl whose boobs my face landed in a while ago came up to me and asked me and the girl sitting next to me if we would mind letting her sit right in between us so she wouldn't be as cold. (She is very cold-natured.) My arm started to hurt because she was pressed so tightly against me, and she was shaking a little, so I put my arm around her. And it didn't even bother her, even though she has heard before that I am gay.

The best part wasn't even the fact that I got to cuddle with a cute girl. It was the fact that I did it on the front row of the auditorium in front of half the school and didn't even give a shit. It doesn't sound like a very big deal, I know, but it is because of how I used to be treated at school for quite a while. Even after I put up with several years of torment at that awful school when I was younger, not one ignorant fuckwad said a single thing to me or my friend that day. (It's pretty well-established that she is straight, but still, you never know what idiots might do.)

I seem to have a lot of "moments" with this girl, don't I? Hmm. But she is straight, and I don't really see her as more than a friend. I am VERY physically attracted to her, but I wouldn't really want her to be my girlfriend or anything. There is no time for that anyway, even if she wasn't straight and I did like her, considering we're going to colleges 1000 miles apart. 

I have improved a lot recently, though, even though I still can't get a girl. I mean, when I was 12, I couldn't even talk to girls I thought were hot, and now look at me! What a difference 6 years makes! I am not nearly as shy as I used to be, not even as recently as 2 years ago. I spend almost the whole day at school with hot girls now, and I don't even feel weird or anxious when I talk to them. Or even when I talk to them outside of school. And I've been to 2 parties this school year and didn't even feel awkward then, either. I hope that in a few months when I move, I'll finally be able to start getting girls, maybe. :P

Comments

reverse_irony's picture

Family visits are always

Family visits are always fun...I go to my uncle's every summer, and he would throw me out and never speak to me again if he knew I was queer. The thing is, I still love him and all the rest of my family and given the choice I'd still go, so I guess I have it better. Just leads to lots of fun confusion.

elph's picture

Your uncle must enjoy...

and look forward to your summer visits... probably just as much as you, if not even more!

So... what do you suspect would cause him to react so negatively if he became aware that you indeed are gay? Tangible evidence?