How can you know my future when I don't even know it myself? Yet you stand up there and tell me what I will do. I know it's just a word - I should be able to deal with it, mentally substitute if for when. But when you've just told me I've failed and I must work for every second towards a goal that is not my own, I don't feel particularly strong. Certainly not strong enough to hold back the tides of my stomach pouring forth through the dam door - the door your words opened.
You remind me of my middle school band director. The one who's teaching style is mockery and who forces kids to continue an activity she has vampirously sucked the joy from. You are better than her. But you've had less time to impress upon me.
Perhaps I am being to harsh - you are not only to blame. They have their expectations, too. And so do I. That hurts the most. Doesn't make it any easier to try to understand when I could simply listen to what the desk has to tell me and drown in the currents of dread.
Wrote this after getting a 10/24 on a math quiz. I was really worried about what my mom (an aerospace engineer/HS math tutor) would say. Felt much better after writing this, though. And studying some.
My teacher always says "when you're in calculus," which scares me because I don't know if I'll take it. Silly really, but my mom also thinks I should take it. I don't want to drop math, but I also can't eat when I get really anxious, and an AP math class seems like a recipe for anxiety. However, I have a while to decide.