So this is an essay prompt I've revised though I'm not quite finished. It's for a college and I want to finish it already. Feedback is appreciated and I'd like help in my closing paragraph.
"A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies" - Oscar Wilde
Othello and Iago. Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. The Autobots and the Decepticons. History and art are full of heroes and their enemies. Tell us about the relationship between you and your arch-nemesis (either real or imagined).
As I sat in English class I couldn’t take it anymore yet I was already used to hearing words that made me feel worthless. I didn't want to hear the voice anymore and I was visibly frustrated. So I shouted to my enemy: the one I loathe the most. Then the room resumed peaceful silence.
All men have an enemy whether they know it or not; that is a fact of human nature. Because of that, who our enemy matters since it’s better to have a weaker enemy than one stronger than yourself. But I never chose him: he chose me.
He is a stranger mostly although I've known him for 7 years. Throughout the years he had a distance between myself and he. Sometimes I think I never knew who he was until he appeared more obvious. He didn't exist, in my mind, until a few years ago. And that marked the beginning of my enduring pain.
To say he is cruel would be an understatement. He seemingly received pleasure from the pain I experienced. He is a monster yet walks like man. He is a creature of the night but only came out during the day. He came from nowhere and was everywhere.
Many times I felt like I could fight back some way whether with humor or a physical confrontation. Of course we did fight once at my house. My fists were red and bloodied and he forced my favorite brown leather belt around my neck. It felt soothing: the pain would finally be over. In my mind it was a noose. He was playing executioner that day: using a black mask to hide his monstrosity from my conscious eyes. Then realizing what he'd done, he immediately pulled it off my neck leaving without saying a word. Meanwhile I sat in bed paralyzed by what happened so I went to sleep and dreamed about people I cared for which made me feel worse. I was tired.
Days passed by and I didn't think about the struggle anymore. Some things made sense while others didn't. What I couldn't understand is how I'd won. I still felt defeated and without hope. I never asked for help because I didn't sought pity and often feeling ignored. For sometime I did but it wasn't enough. I looked for help from friends and family. And I never found it.
At the same time of the torment my grades started sinking faster than the Titanic. That didn't make sense either for I had thought of myself as a well student with excellent work ethics and the ability to assume a leadership role in any given situation. It’s apparent to most people that I am a natural leader. It was obvious that none of this made sense and not many people bothered to find out. I’d give them half an answer to spare me the anguish. My enemy is very smart too: cunning like a fox yet powerful like a lion. Those are the two qualities I don’t have, but perhaps I do and am not aware of it. Whatever the case is, I am unable to outwit my enemy. We constantly argue about who’s smarter on any subject. He reminds me daily how much I don’t matter, how worthless I am. That’s why I never stop reading books, essays, or articles on any topic just so I can beat him. I won’t stop either. I will beat him someday I think. And if I don’t then I can get back up and continue dreaming about the past.
Another week passes and his torment has become somewhat tolerable. I’ve eaten the same tablet for each day of the week and feel less weak. I am able to ignore him for short periods of time but every now and then what he says gets under my cold skin. My mind is a tad clearer than before so I know what I’m taking is extremely helpful. One day I refuse to eat the tablet and throughout the day my head is in pain caused by the withdrawal. He laughs at me for being so foolish and he has every right to: I thought I’d be fine without it but am not. That day was really terrible as well as the rest of the week because I don’t ingest the tablets kept in a small orange box. He comes back to torment me and when he’s done I breakdown in front of my friends. The ordeal is so surreal: I am in front of them and they continue talking with each other like nothing out of the ordinary is occurring. At that moment I felt invisible so I, too, pretended nothing was wrong. I swear I could hear him laughing from a distance. His laugh haunts me.
One day I find out I am all out of tablets. That was inevitable. My mama doesn’t want to get me anymore because apparently it’s bad for my health. She failed to understand that I needed them to keep myself together. She also wasn’t fully aware of my enemy. So I stopped taking them altogether and he knows this so he keeps up his act and continues tormenting me. I felt like I was able to stop him before. Now it’s made it more difficult, nearly impossible to vanquish him.
A few more times he fight with me. Once when I had tablets he tried forcing them all down my throat for if I took too many I’d probably go to the hospital. Another time he tried drowning me in a bucket of water but that was not his smartest move because I easily overpowered him. Again he tried the belt only to fail once more. His attempts at fighting with me ceased though I could tell he wanted one last fight that’d finally settle the issue. To this day I wait for that moment.
Now I am at near rest: I no longer agonize as much about seeing my enemy for I know he is fading away into oblivion. I still wonder why he‘d done all of this. I have an idea of why he came: to remind me of my pain that I never knew existed. He came from the past I tried forgetting. He made his away into my mind: the most inescapable place. I am him.