Cautiously Optimistic

radiosilence95's picture

My dad says that he had a talk with my mom on Thursday. He says that he told her that they need to support me and be there for me and that there's nothing wrong with my sexuality, and she didn't respond. She just moved on to the next subject. I should've known that what she told me about supporting me no matter what was utter bullshit. She's apparently secretly plotting to bring me back to the light of her god, refusing to give up on curing my atheism. I have a feeling my mom's family is gonna get involved in this before I can escape to college. I have a feeling there's gonna be a shitstorm before it's all said and done. I can't wait.

I still haven't gotten my acceptance letter from my top college yet. I'm starting to get really worried. If I don't get accepted then that's it for me. Don't ask me what that means. I don't quite know myself.

Brittany and I are planning to go to an open house there in January. It's gonna be great. I hope it persuades her that it's right for her. But ultimately I want her to do whatever makes her happy.

She had me come over Thursday night so she could interview me for an essay she was writing. The essay was about people who find themselves on the fringes of society, and my sexuality and my atheism fit the bill. It was a great interview. I stayed until eleven. We talked about a lot of other things, as usual. Seeing her really revived me from the depression I've been battling.

Her gift should arrive Monday. I can't wait to see her face when she opens it. It'll be amazing.

My first appointment with my therapist is ten days from now. Can't wait for that either. I know I'll get through this, I just need a little nudge from a neutral, unbiased third party.

I'm starting to write poetry again, finally. It's been several months. I just haven't had any inspiration. Still not sure where it's coming from, but it's there.


Bosemaster42's picture

The old,

Family religious intervention theory. She should already know that would result in failure. It would just alienate you from her and that side of your family.
Don't panic on the acceptance from your top college choice. Sometimes, it takes longer for whatever reason. I hope you receive it soon. How long since you applied?
Brittany picked you up from the doldrums huh? No surprise there, but very glad to hear it. Sounds like your starting to claw your way out of that emotional hole. Writing again? Excellent, I look forward to reading your poetry, that is, if you're willing to share.

radiosilence95's picture

There is no reasoning when

There is no reasoning when it comes to religion. I've learned that from quietly observing her and my family.

I applied at the very end of October, but they didn't start reviewing applications until November 1.

I will share my poetry on here. And, as bad as this is, Brittany is the only person that can make me truly, genuinely, unrelentingly happy.

Bosemaster42's picture

I know,

What you mean. I have relatives who are or were strict Catholics. Fortunately, my immediate family isn't. My mother went to Catholic school, for example, she was left-handed. Apparently, the nuns attempted to force her to use her right hand while writing. Her mother marched down to her school and essentially told the nuns she would use her left hand or else she would put her in public school.
I would have loved to have met that woman, but she died before I was born(Leukemia). Needless to say, she continued using her left hand for writing etc. Go figure. My mother has really beautiful penmanship,especially writing in cursive. Stupid fucking nuns.
Nov. 1st, you still have time there. Best of luck.
Brittany is the only person right now. That will change, I can assure you.

jeff's picture


All atheists can be cured. Just make God appear. Easy.

It's usually not an issue of hating God, it is the no proof aspect that is the issue.

"I am living this life as lovingly as I can be as flawed as I am." - Brandon Lacy Campos

radiosilence95's picture

Atheism, like sexuality,

Atheism, like sexuality, isn't a choice. I can't force myself to believe in any sort of god if I don't feel it in me. And yes, my mom doesn't realize that I can't hate God, since you can't really hate something that doesn't exist.

Bosemaster42's picture

Even easier,

"God is light" So every time the sun rises in the sky I praise it for allowing us to live another day, without which we would perish.
Try throwing that concept at a bible thumper, watch em squirm!