Christmas in the Closet And Other Tales

MaddieJoy's picture

So I'll be spending Christmas very, very far back in the closet. Yup, it's Holidays at the W's, with conservative talk carols playing and Republicans gleaming beneath the Christmas tree.
Apparently I can't safely come out to anyone on the W side. Except Aunt L & Uncle R, but they're only 2/13 of the family. Grandma & Grandpa are conservative republican Polish Roman Catholics & the rest of the family is Jewish, Christian or my parents (who told me not to tell anyone). I would consider coming out to my cousin, but if she's a homophobe then sharing a room could be awkward.....
Today in Bio while Ru & I were filling out questionnaires, I listened in to a few conversations. Here they are:
Redhead: Hey, so you know my friend___?
Tall Dude: Yeah.
Redhead: Well, we have this friend,___, & she's gay--no, BISEXUAL.
Boys: Hehehehe-huhuhuh. Chortle.
Redhead: I don't think I need to tell you the rest...
Boys: Hehehehehe. Snort.
Then, at the front of the room...
Nohawk: Dude, give that back. You're such a homo.
Fauxhawk: (Shove)
Nohawk: Don't be faggy.
Mohawk: Dude, don't call me that!!!!!!!!
Nohawk: Oh, dude, sorry....hehe.
People are disgusting sometimes. I stopped speaking to my only at-school friend when she called someone a faggot. Her response to my admonitions was "it means a bundle of sticks in England," then "I only said it once--I didn't mean it that way--" Sorry. If your first instinct is to call people names (the boy accidentally knocked into her) and that's the first one that comes to mind, better to be alone.


radiosilence95's picture

I know how it feels, being

I know how it feels, being surrounded by narrow-minded Republican family members for the holidays. The best you can hope for is that anything moral or political won't come into any conversations and you can just enjoy their company.

jeff's picture


What would be unsafe about coming out to them? Uncomfortable, perhaps, but you really think your safety is in jeopardy? Unlikely.

If they are already right-wing, religious, and anti-gay, doesn't sound like they need any help from you, and that you could only move their thinking in one direction, no?

Also, if you're sharing a room with a homophobe, wouldn't your coming out shift the uncomfortableness and make it her problem?

If your options boil down to I'm uncomfortable or everyone's uncomfortable, I'd remind you that the holidays are all about sharing...

And if it goes really poorly, you could spend next Christmas elsewhere.

But a lot of people are anti-gay only until they know someone LGBT. Then it stops being about some "other" that they don't know and can easily judge and condemn. You know, like Jesus commands...

Hey, Sexy Lady! Oppan Gangnam Style...

MaddieJoy's picture

My inheritance is what would

My inheritance is what would be in jeopardy, actually. ;)
BUt I guess the problem is that I look up to my cousin & can't stand the thought of her being disgusted by me.
You're right about the whole sharing thing, of course, but I get the feeling my parents wouldn't appreciate that too much. The only advice my mom gave me when I came out was "Don't come out to your grandparents, and don't come out to your friends until you're dating a girl."

The ducks will get you!

jeff's picture


That's a different story, if you're choosing between honesty and a pile of money.

I don't think there is a huge difference between thinking she would be disgusted by you if she knew the truth and her actually being disgusted by you because she knows the truth. You're already living in that reality either way now.

Your parents don't really have a say in what you do in your life anymore. They've told you lots of things you shouldn't do that you've likely done. But their word is impossible to challenge gospel now? Just because they are saying something you're uncomfortable doing anyway?

Being closeted is fine, but it comes down to you making that decision for yourself. So, forget all this other nonsense, and just own what is your decision. Thousands of people before you with right-wing families have come out to them. This isn't some unique situation.

Hey, Sexy Lady! Oppan Gangnam Style...