Coming out to a already suspecting family

DWalk93's picture

Well I've been bisexual since i was like 14 (young age, i know) i mean i love who i am and wouldnt change but my family has been suspecting i was gay yet i like men and women yeah i know theres nothing wring with that with being bisexual....anyways i want to tell them but everytime i go to tell one of them i get all choked up and i start sweating and stuttering like mad so i push it off everytime i know it makes me sound like a huge procrastinator which i am..but ive tld my bestfriends and they were very accepting of me being bisexual they all said the same thing "i knew you were,i was just waiting for you to tell me because its absolutelt fine that you choose that life style" i mean people knew because all but accept one of my bestfriends are females but i really need advice on how to come out to my immediate family.

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

Bisexual since you were 14?

Bisexual since you were 14? No, you've always been bisexual, you just figured it out when you were 14, which, by the way, isn't a young age at all. There are people who were fully aware of their sexuality when they were around eight or nine, sometimes even younger.

And why are your friends saying you chose this lifestyle? You didn't choose it, surely.

I can't really tell you anything about coming out to your family since I don't really know them. Are they extremely religious? Do you know anything about their opinions of gay people?

DWalk93's picture

No theyre not really

No theyre not really religious they have this thing about being gay,bi,lesbian or whatever they think that a man should be with a woman and vice versaDeVonte'

jeff's picture

Well...

Most of the time, planning becomes a big deal to people, but ultimately doesn't matter. You can spend time coming up with the perfect setting, etc., but in the end, they're only going to remember that you told them you were bi.

If your friends all figured it out beforehand, there's a decent chance your family has s suspicion (but have been in denial about it), so you're likely not introducing some amazing new topic to them. Then again, you might be.

Aside from telling a parent while they're driving, or at a big holiday meal, there will never be a right time, a perfect moment, or anything else. Ultimately, you just say the words, and then it exists. And life gets better after that moment, because if there are issues about your sexuality, they are no longer your issues. It is no longer your closet.

They may need some time to adjust. They may have questions. Keep in mind, the questions can sometimes cross lines, and you don't have to tell them the answers, if it involved what you do sexually with the same sex, etc. The important thing to remember is that you waited until you were comfortable with this information, and picked this moment to tell them, and they don't have that same luxury, they are put on the spot and have to react in that moment. So, in that moment, you're switching roles. And you may have to let them blow off steam and have questions, or say silly things, and part of that role is not escalating things by responding, but calmly letting them have their little moment of adjustment, and assuring them that you're still the same kid, blahblah.

But there is no advice, really. Just words. No perfect moment. Just any moment.

And something pretty basic is fine, "I've had a lot of thought about this, and now that I'm certain about things I wanted to let you know that I'm bisexual, and I wanted to tell you because I want to be open and honest with you, and since I'm your son, I'll always need your love and support." Done, you're out.

Don't stress too much about the right words, since once you say bisexual, they aren't going to remember how brilliantly you came out or anything.

Good luck.

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DWalk93's picture

Ive thought like this since

Ive thought like this since i came to terms with my sexuality and you're right there are no words that can make coming out any easier but i will tell my people in due time i suppose eVonte'