It's been awhile...update time.

hellonwheels's picture

Well, good news. got the tests back from the doc, not cancer...just a nasty skin infection that was spreading. coulda been worse if I had let it go on, but good to know I am not dying.

It's been a rough week. I have been fighting w/ my mom off and on...all week. Mostly over stupid, petty shit. but it only takes a spark to ignite the inferno. I am too broke to find my own place-spent over $250 today alone in medical bills, and my mom knows that...I think.

But things are going south pretty fast. idk. I have been losing my mind and health again, Blood pressure is higher than it's ever been for some reason, and continues to climb, and I am gaining weight, I joined the gym again today, and am going to look into a better diet for myself. time to get health(ier) and get into decent shape again.

I am not heavier and more injured than I have ever been. I think once my money comes in from my dad, I will do some gentle yoga and exercises to get flexibility and mobility back...even if the guys in the gym tease me and call me a queer. lol.

Things have been interesting here lately-have been going to a ton of local music shows lately, which is starting to add up, and it looks like december will be no different.

I also need to figure out what in the hell I am going to do for school and what I am going to do with my life, as in a year and a half, I will need to land a job that will pay all of my costs, including medical, dental, and car insurance.

I am reading a really interesting book on the history of beers, more specifically the history of IPA's, and dark european beers. Brewing is increasingly more and more intriguing to me, so I may look into UC's brewing science program...there are also some programs for musical therapy and cycling related things up in B.C. and the Sunshine coast that I may be interested in, and being gay is legal in canada, as well as amazing mountain biking, so maybe dual citizenship?

that might be a perk. All I know is I need to start making a change, for the better. and figure out somehow where I am going in my life.

Not to be a total chick flick reference, but I recently watched a movie called eat, pray, love. starring Julia roberts, and it was an amazing flick. Basically, this lost woman going through a nasty divorce travels the world on a journey to find herself and indulges in life's simple pleasures along the way.

I am thinking of doing something of the same. I have always wanted to see, spain, italy, switzerland, the netherlands, etc. I think I will have to plan a trip over there sometime in the next year or so. Also, an amazing offer through an industry only pro deal site I was on the other night just came up-if I can max out my credit limit on a single purchase, but it would be the trip of a lifetime.

8 days of biking through the peruvian and chilean andes mountains, winding up @ machu Picchu, and then racing an enduro type mtb event over two days. I would have to train a hell of a lot, but for half off the retail price, and crossing Macchu Pichu off of my lifetime wish list, it kinda makes some sense. I would love to go, but this transmission repair on my car and all my med bills from breaking my hand will probably prevent it.

I also need to figure out physical therapy and rehab on my thumb-it is still broken, and I can feel it 'pop' against the tendons and moving up and down...definitely need to talk to the doc again soon on that one.

I have been dealing with it as best I can, but stress and lack of ability to do things at work definitely have me stressed out right now. Maybe I should just go work for REI when they move into town. As much as I hate them, I wouldn't have to deal w/ A's bullshit, and her acting like she is a manager when she isn't, and I would have health benefits and coverage, despite working for the evil empire of outdoor companies. They aren't even a CO-OP anymore!

Maybe if I moved out to B.C., I could work for M.E.C.-those guys have EVERYTHING for the outdoors, no matter what sport you love. except shooting, of course.

Idk man, I need to make some serious life decisions here soon.

Also, on the dating front...there have beena few prospective things...this guy T keeps leading me on and flirting with me, and although we have only hung out a few times and he really isn't my type...I am so horny, a hookup may be just what's needed...

there's also this older guy. He keeps flirting w/ me. like. alot. he's a friend of hyacinthus, aka geniusfrenchie, aka david whose never online here anymore, from the art museum in seattle. and he's kinda cute, just older buy about 13 kinda creepy. Also, he's in a relationship. Hung out w/ him once to take him on local mtb trails, to show him around, we ended out back at his place, brewed some beer and hung out for a bit. that was it., he playfully flirted, but the undertones of I wanna fuck you were there. definitely,

fast forward a few weeks-before the hand injury. we went riding again, and the home brew was ready to keg and sample. So I went riding, we talked about about his past relationship he was still having trouble getting over, etc...then we went back to the place for a movie and hot tubbing. it was say the least. his BF showed up in the hot tub and started flirting with me. idk, Jamie, I would probably hook up with...but Jamie and Rob? weird...gross...weird. yeah. idk.

anyway...oh, and the other night after the hell's belles concert, apparently I was hitting on my friend Chris' wife, the local bartender. I hope I wasn't, but who knows. I hope he was so drunk he doesn't remember. anyway. we will see.

Sam2000, sorry to hear about your grandpa dude. that's gotta be hard. if ya need anything, message me.


jeff's picture


People are going to call you queer if you do flexibility and yoga at the gym? Sounds highly unlikely. Just your internalized homophobia calling you queer is more likely....

Also, you don't have to apologize for watching a chick flick if you're gay.

I know you ache to be a straight homophobe, but that ship has sailed, girl.

Being gay is legal in Canada? Marriage is legal there, otherwise there's nothing illegal about being gay in the US.

How is someone that you're not interested in "leading you on"? That would mean he pretends he's interested in you, but then won't act on it. If you don't want him to act on it, then he can't lead you on.

Sounds like you have options up to and including three-ways. I support you sleeping with as many boys as it takes for you to be OK with it... ;-)

"I am living this life as lovingly as I can be as flawed as I am." - Brandon Lacy Campos