This past week has been the hardest I've ever faced and now I'm finally starting to get my act together so I can function. I didn't think life without my Grandpa would be this hard, but I also had nothing to compare it to except for my first companion dog dying.
Watching my Grandpa die was more traumatic for me than I could handle and I guess I'm not as mature as I'd like to think I am? I've been seeing a grief counselor and I think that's helping, but right now I'm still putting everything that happened together.
I'm glad I had written my Grandpa's eulogy when I did because I wouldn't have been able to put it together after he had passed, and at his graveside military service I struggled to get the words out of my mouth. Dad had offered to read it for me but I just didn't think that was right. I think I'll get a A for the words and a F for the presentation?
After the funeral my Dad's told Matthew and I, and my cousin Jake and his boyfriend Austin (my best friend) that this would be our first real test of our love for each other. I think I understand what they meant.
Grandma's staying with my Mom because she can't bear to be in her own home right now, "he's everywhere" is what she always says. I understand that. She's putting her house up for sale, and is talking about moving close to where my Mom is. I hope she does.
The day after the funeral my Grandpa's will was read, but I was asked to stay at home with my cousin Jake, and we just stretched out on the couch together and watched tv. We didn't say a word to each other, but I don't think we needed to. My Dad's came home later in the day and we drove Jake home, and before we left I told him I would be there for him.
At home my Dad's carried the footlocker that my Grandpa had filled with things he wanted me to have, but I still haven't been able to open it yet. I know the right time will come, but I'm not there yet. My Dad told me that Grandpa set up a trust fund for me but I didn't ask about it. I was given a envelope with money in it from Grandpa but I still haven't found the will to open it. On it in Grandpa's neat printing is "For Sam, here's some fun money, Love Grandpa".
I know this is probably the worst thing I've written on here but it's all I can do right now.
And again, thanks to all of you for being there for me!