Not to hog up the journal section,

ElsaGabor's picture

but I've had a personal revelation. I fucking deleted that Grindr account I made only yesterday. You know why? It made me realize how incredibly secure and complete I am as a person. It may sound odd that of all things to draw from it that it would be along those lines, but I truly have. You know what, I'm heavy. I way 220 pounds at 6'0" and I'm fat. I got ripped to shreds on there, everyone fucking telling me to lose weight (ironic being I've lost fucking loads since last year) and to put down the Cheetos. I felt terrible about how my body looked; I dreaded having to take "body pics" to send to the guys messaging me.

I realized how absolutely, positively idiotic and repulsive I was being. Before I made that account, I was absolutely thrilled about how my body looked. I looked so much better than I ever did and I was over the moon! But now I'm going let myself be knocked down a peg by insecure, sexually depraved, internet whores? The hell am I doing?

I can honestly say that I have grown to be a secure person. I can admit my flaws with honesty and dignity, and I can confidently say what is so good about my person. I am a beautiful person, inside and out. I have been blessed with extraordinary looks; I have a nose and pair of lips that people pay surgeons for. And more importantly, I am a highly intelli- no, I'm fucking brilliant. I have wit, charm, and above all a good head on my shoulders. I'm troubled, that much is true. But I persevere, and I conquer. There are things that have happened in my life that would drive people to suicide. I'm still here, breathing and alive, and not ready to let insignificant people drag me down.

One last point to make in this hubris riddled journal, Warren the slut is no longer. Hooking up with strangers like this reminded me of what a sad life I was living. Addicted to drugs, insecure about every aspect of my being, having sex with complete strangers. I'm done with that life. Its nothing but a depressing hell-hole that destroys character and kills the soul.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Sounds like Grindr was a positive experience for you then... ;-)

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"I am living this life as lovingly as I can be as flawed as I am." - Brandon Lacy Campos

ElsaGabor's picture

In the end,

it was :)

Bosemaster42's picture

Good for you!

6'0" 220lbs isn't grossly overweight! It's too bad people have to be so superficial like that. I'm 6'2" 230lbs and yeah, while that's technically overweight as well, I could drop 15lbs or so by getting myself back into playing pick-up hockey. Time will tell, I'm still nursing a cranky knee, but I have started public skating again.
Your right though, you should be proud of how you look and especially how you feel and that should be your motivation going forward. You'll find someone eventually who won't care how you look. It's all about what's inside a person anyway. You've come a long way so stay positive and be patient, the right person is out there somewhere.

ElsaGabor's picture

Thanks Bose! :) I'm hoping

Thanks Bose! :) I'm hoping that person is coming along soon.

Bosemaster42's picture

Your welcome,

I hear ya.

poetic_star's picture

wish I was that strong :)

wish I was that strong :)

ElsaGabor's picture

I'm sure you are,

you might just not know it yet :)

Dracofangxxx's picture

Honestly that weight depends on how much fat you have vs. muscle

'cause I"m 5' and 145 and I'm in great shape. According to the ~bmi calculator~ things, if I weighed 8 more lbs, I'd be obese!... What? I'm completely average in body shape and fat, I just have large bone structure and muscle!

Either way, fat is no insult, and people can be such jerks. Fuck 'em (you may have ;) ) because what standards can a guy really have that's looking for quick sex on Grindr???

So glad to see your self esteem is going up :) you deserve it :)
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That's redick!

jeff's picture

Well...

The BMI stuff is not recommended for teens anyway... since y'all's in flux at your age anyway.

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"I am living this life as lovingly as I can be as flawed as I am." - Brandon Lacy Campos

Dracofangxxx's picture

Funny,

They made us do it in middle school once. For class.

Either way, I'm stuck this height (have been for 5 years now) so I'm pretty sure even as an adult, it's grossly wrong.
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That's redick!

ElsaGabor's picture

Girl,

BMI can kiss my lily-white ass. Shit is ridiculously wrong. Thanks for your lovely comment :3 You and everyone else really made my day :D

Dracofangxxx's picture

PREACH GURL

No problem :) Was my pleasure :) <3
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That's redick!