I'm right on time with my every other week journal entry, but I'm hoping to do better soon. Right now my life's a combination of weird and awesome with a extra helpin' of suck.
My Mom left New York City on one of the last flights to leave before Hurricane Sandy hit, and she arrived at our place late at night, way after I was sound asleep. Once I take my glasses off and turn out the lights I'm out cold.
I woke up the next morning to her turning on my nightstand light and pulling off my blankets to wake me up, and I guess it would have been great except for...
A) I sleep naked
B) I was on my back when the covers we so rudely pulled off
C) My rocket was engaged
D) Mom just had to say "Sam...you've GROWN!"
I screamed and even though I didn't see my face I'm 100% sure it had turned plaid. My Mom left the room laughing hysterically and I was almost in tears.
It got worse. When my face went back to its freckled normalcy I walked into the living room and my folks were sitting together on the couch and my Dad's boyfriend was on the loveseat, patting the empty seat for me to sit there. He handed me a cup of coffee (he makes the BEST coffee!), and the three of them just sat there with these evil grins on their faces.
They KNEW what had happened! On the embarrassment scale this was right up there with some of the other things they've caught me doing, but having my Mom seeing Sam Junior reached a new level of WTFness!
Then it got even worse. My Mom handed me a box and told me to open it, and inside was a framed sonogram picture of pregnant woman with twins.
No Sam...look at the date.
I saw the date...looked at the date...no can't be right...a few months before I was born. It started to come together.
There's more things in the box Sam.
There was a small metal vial with a blue ribbon on it, and a death certificate, and a name.
A boy's name.
My brother's name.
Why the fuck didn't you tell me????? was all I could say and all three of them grabbed me and hugged me before I could run off and hide in my room. They held me almost too tight while I cried my eyes out. All I could think about was all this time I was missing someone I never knew existed.
Mom put her hands on my cheeks and told me to look at her, and for the first time in my life I stared someone straight in the eyes without flinching or freaking out. I was too upset to care.
Sam...he was in bad shape...he wouldn't have survived...but you did...look at you...how BIG you are!
I could have been him, nothing left but a picture and ashes.
But I'm not. I'm alive.
And soon my Grandpa won't be.
Things happen for a reason, and sometimes they just suck. I'm still taking all of this in, but now my life is just completely different.