Sexuality Redefined

Kind_Sol's picture

Ok, so, here's the problem.

I met someone. Someone i really like as a person. I'm attracted to this person mentally and emotionally, but not physically. And it's not that he's ugly, or deformed, or handicapped. I'm not shallow enough to be kept from seeing past that. My thing is this...he's a girl. He's Transgender and feels like he's a male, and wants to be treated as a boyfriend. He wants to be a male who loves males. Which is cool...but i don't know if i could go too far with him. Like...i could love him until up to the stage where we actually MAKE love. That's when the trouble starts. What do i do? I'm asking for advice, friends. Comment or inbox me. Whatever you're comfortable with.


Dracofangxxx's picture

Oh goodness before the butthurt brigade gets here...

I know you were trying to accurately describe him to us, but you used some offensive language that a lot of people would chew your head off for. Good job for using proper pronouns though.

1.) He's not a "girl". I would say he's biologically female, but even some people get offended at that too (but how else are we supposed to describe it?)
2.) He doesn't feel like he's male, he IS male, with the wrong parts. If you were born with malformed legs or a bad heart, you'd know you were supposed to have correct ones, right?
3.) The sooner you're comfortable with the fact his condition is unhelpable and that he is truly male, the sooner you can maybe learn to cope with his body. I am aware it is not possible for some people, but if you truly love them, I'm sure you can work something out!

That's redick!

Kind_Sol's picture

I had no idea!

I never once thought i was saying anything hurtful. Being a little shallow, yes, but not hurtful. I apologies to anyone i hurt i swear, i didn't know it ment that much or that people got all that specific with it. Please...if you see my doing this again, correct me on the spot. I mean it. I've gotta learn this stuff.

An optimist sees the glass half full, and a pessimist sees the glass half empty. But a realist however, realizes that sooner or later he's going to eventually have to clean the glass.

jeff's picture


People who make predictions about how they are going act in the future are usually either wrong or boring, so we'll give you the benefit of the doubt there.

So, you're dating a transboy, and not sure what will happen if you ever have sex? Well, he will also have a HUGE say in that regard, lots of transboys are not down with any action involving his vagina, so I wouldn't worry too much about whether you'd be down for that until you know what he is down with anyway. For all we know, he's going to strap on a cock and fuck you, in which case, his bio parts have little to do with anything.

Ultimately, you need to sort out whether you are into him as a person, and all of the transbaggage that will come with that relationship. If you're OK with that, the sex will sort itself out. I mean, if you meet another gay guy, that doesn't mean anything sexually necessarily. He may not like things you do, you both might prefer top or bottom. You might want sex one a week, and he may want it whenever he hauls out his penis, etc. So, sexual compatibility is always an issue.

It doesn't sound like you know what you are unable to do yet, because you are assuming what is on the menu. There are transboys who are all "eat my pussy," and some where you kind of have to be a bit more sensitive about the genitals. But until you know what he's like, it's impossible to know what you can't do, since you don't know what he wants to do, or would let you do.

But any situation where you're entering a situation going "I love all of you, except..." there's a potential for problems. If the except is sexual, it is seemingly a big problem. If it sexual and you don't even know what kind of sex is on the menu, even bigger.

Just be open, say you're new to this, and get the details. If you're into someone, and they want something sexually, you have to be somewhat game to do it, though.

You're not redefining sexuality here. You're just dating a gay transboy whose sexual possibilities you still don't know yet.

"I am living this life as lovingly as I can be as flawed as I am." - Brandon Lacy Campos

MacAvity's picture


Just talk to him about it! If you're comfortable enough to tell him that you like him, you should also be able to voice your concerns about sexy matters, right? He'll probably understand - I know I would more than understand if I were in his situation. And if not, well, at least you know.