I don't really know where to start but there's something that I've never understood and I just want some form of clarification, I guess, though it might still be impossible for me to understand because I just feel so different from everybody else. But.. When I was between 10 and 13 I was molested by an adult I lived with at the time and some other stuff happened to me when I was 17 and 18 that were equally traumatic. I'm not "normal", by any means, especially when it comes to intimacy and relationships because I don't trust just anyone with my body. A part of me sort of envies people who can have sex often and in a carefree manner but I also am proud that I don't throw myself around like I don't matter. I think, no matter how lonely or ostracized I feel, I deserve better than a casual hookup. But I've just never understood how if you can be assaulted by someone you think you know really well like I was, how can you be intimate with a stranger and not worry whether they're going to respect you or not? Maybe I'm paranoid but rape does happen! So either people are extremely naive or extremely confident that they'll be able to defend themselves..I don't know.