Stream of consciousness #2

anarchist's picture

My cat's sitting next to me on my chair while I'm typing this. He's great.

Anyway, stream of consciousness.

I love experiencing entirely new environments, and being in new states of thought. It's so much more fun when I experience a familiar environment in a completely different way. There is nothing more interesting, in my opinion!

I'm especially interested in suburbs. For some reason, every time I walk through a suburb, it always seems entirely different, no matter how familiar I am with it. It always seems strange, like a nest of humans in their individual little compartments. I love strange new things.

And this is even better at night. A suburb at night, when nobody else is around is when I can really think and become inspired. It's where my mind feels completely free. All the lights on in the houses, the darkness around them, the houses continuing on seemingly forever. It all helps me be creative and imaginative, and I love just focusing on one sight that really seems like it captures (or rather creates) my whole thoughts. I would be a painter if I bleh. (I have actually made a sort of abstract painting inspired by this, which is hanging on the wall downstairs.)

I guess I just really love how child-like it seems to take a familiar sight and make myself perceive it completely differently. I wish I could do it more often.


Another subject I was thinking about was existence. Sort of like those highs I get sometimes. I found out that what really causes them, and what they cause at the same time, is the awareness of my own nonexistence.

I was on the bus today (listening to Aquadrop) and I decided to create one of these highs because I was bored and bleh, so I just started becoming conscious of the nonexistent universe. I just tried ignoring all my senses (like I always do to achieve this state) and eventually it just came at me suddenly and so deep that it just felt like my entire mind left my body and was thrust into another plane of existence, an endless cavern within an entirely different dimension, and it felt so euphoric. Even though it only lasted a few seconds, all I could do was just sit there, amazed.

I love that feeling, when I can just feel that my mind isn't real. I came up with a name for it: it is my state of absolute awareness. I am aware of everything, because everything that I know is just perception and cognition. These are all that exist, and they do not exist.

I just feel so happy and relaxed. Nothing bad can possibly happen.

Maybe this is what it is like after I die, if that ever happens.

Oh, and by the way, if you want to hear the progress on the Rainbow Dash-inspired house track:

don't listen to this unless linked to it by Pewter Robot
That's it so far. I asked for advice on MLR, but haven't received any yet. If you have any, please do comment.


anarchist's picture

I'm glad I did this journal entry.

Sharing everything just made me feel so happy. I'm going to listen to some upbeat King Tubby. I'm never sad or anything, but I haven't been this happy in a long time (since I started listening to King Tubby, actually).
I hope this can aid in spreading my happiness:

Bosemaster42's picture

I think it's amazing,

you can achieve what amounts to a meditative state, on public transportation. I would find it too distracting.

anarchist's picture

I had to wait a while for a good spot.

The bus kept turning, and I can't possibly get to and maintain the state of absolute awareness while I'm moving (except once, when it lasted for over an hour, even while I was walking and working in class).
And I also couldn't maintain it for more than a second or two.